


Hurt

by jdf1973



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Excessive use of the word fuck, Good Sibling Lip Gallagher, Hurt Ian Gallagher, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Summaries, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher Misses Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher and Mandy Milkovich are Best Friends, Ian buys a clue about Kash, M/M, Mickey Milkovich Loves Ian Gallagher, POV Ian Gallagher, Protective Fiona Gallagher, Protective Lip Gallagher, Protective Mickey Milkovich, Sad Ian Gallagher, Slow Burn, Terry Milkovich Being an Asshole, no forced marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:21:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29255139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdf1973/pseuds/jdf1973
Summary: "You love me and your gay."Words Ian soon learned to regret.Mickey succeeded in what he set out to do, but at what cost? When Ian is attacked will Mickey be able to finally admit to what he is feeling? Will Ian let him?
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Mandy Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 189
Kudos: 141





	1. Hurt

Ian groaned, and rolled slowly and painfully over onto his back, he didn’t know how long he had been unconscious but it had grown fully dark out. The sounds of the South Side at night filtering into his sluggish mind. Groaning, he tried to sit up only to fall back again instantly with a muffled curse, to say he was hurting was a vast understatement. He tried to take stock in everything that was hurting and came to the conclusion, that it was everything.

His ribs were the worst, but his jaw was running a close second throbbing in time with each other. Cautiously he tried to open his mouth, and wished he never did when red hot agony ripped through him. Was it broken? He couldn't find it within himself to care, not whenever every breath he drew was agony. He wouldn't let himself think of who was responsible for his current condition, knowing if he did he would break, and crying right now would be agony.

He knew he had to get up, but the very thoughts of moving sent fresh waves of agony ripping through him. Bracing himself for the pain, he slowly sat up, bile rose up into the back of his throat and the world spun in circles around him, forcing back the urge to throw up, Ian slowly rose to his feet. Waiting for the dizziness to pass he took a shaky step forward.

One foot in front of the other Ian slowly made his way home, wincing as each step jared his ribs and made his aching head throb more. He was never so glad to see the Gallagher house in his life. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, he braced himself and slowly climbed the steps to the porch and all but fell through the door. The last thing he heard was the shouts of his family before the world once again faded into darkness.

When Ian next swam into consciousness the first thing he became aware of was the beeping, the second was that he had that muffled feeling going on, the one that only came from a good high. Lip must have gotten a hold of some good weed. Slowly he opened his eyes only to close them against the brightness of the room. Where the fuck was he? He opened his eyes again and the ceiling above him wasn't the one he normally awoke to. Brow crinkling in confusion he looked around him.

He was lying in a hospital bed in a hospital room with Fiona sleeping in a chair beside him. Slowly the events of the night before came back to him and he shuttered. The sudden movement sent a sharp pain through him and he groaned. 

“Hey, Sweetface how are you feeling?” He glanced over and met concerned eyes, and he couldn't stop it if he tried. He gave a big heave and started sobbing. Fiona was there, her arms wrapping around him as he sobbed his heartbreak and pain out.

He cried for what seemed like hours, pain shooting through him as each sob shook his sore body. Visions of the coldness in Mickey’s eyes as he beat the shit out of him running through his mind. Causing him to sob harder, his breath hitching with each indraw of air.

He pulled back with a shaky sigh, avoiding Fiona’s concerned look he closed his eyes, and wished for the oblivion of unconsciousness to once again take him. 

“What happened, kiddo? Who did this to you?” Fiona asked as she gently ran her finger through his hair, the familiarness of the caress relaxing Ian enough to fall into an exhausted slumber, unaware of the concerned frown that adorned his older sister's face.

Fiona leaned forward and kissed Ian on his forehead, then settled in for what looked like was going to be a long night. Vowing to herself that she would find out who was responsible for Ian’s condition and making sure they knew that no one fucked with theone of her kids and got away with it.

Mickey rolled over and groaned, the pounding on his door matched the pounding in his head perfectly.

“Hey, fuckface get up. I need a ride.” Mandy’s screechy voice grated on his nerve ends like wildfire.

“So call a fuckin’ cab!” Mickey hollered back and immediately wished he hadn't. His head felt like there were a million jackhammers inside of it. 

“No money, asshole. Come on Mickey, I have to get to the hospital.”

Groaning, Mickey got up, wondering who Mandy was fucking that messed her up enough to need a hospital and already planning their death. He opened the door to see a healthy looking Mandy standing there.

“What the fuck do you need to go to the hosptal for?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Ian is in the hospital and I wanna go see him.”

Mickey froze before slowly looking at the dried tear tracks that were on Mandy’s face. Before he turned and walked into the bathroom. His mind going a million miles an hour, Gallagher was in the hospital, and he was responsible. He didn't think he had done that much damage. Memories of his foot connecting to Ian’s face had him losing all the alcohol he had consumed the night before. He looked down at his hands and noticed the dried blood and skinned knuckles and wanted to heave once more.

That was Ian’s blood on his knuckles. Visions of what happened the night before came flooding back and he dry heaved. He had beaten Ian to the point of him having to go to the hospital. 

“You love me and your gay.” Ian’s words kept playing on loop over and over again followed by his muffled oofs as he beat him down for it. 

“Hey, assface, are you taking me or what?”

“Hold your fuckin’ horses, will ya?” Mickey shouted back, he washed his hands watching as the pink water flowed down the drain with a lump forming in his throat. He had beaten the redhead and came home and gotten rip roaring drunk determined to forget Ian Gallagher and everything he stood for.

He reached for the towel avoiding looking in the mirror, not wanting to face looking at himself afraid of what he might see. Opening the door, he walked quickly past Mandy, mumbling to her that he was gonna get dressed.

The ride to the hospital was filled with a tense silence, not even the music playing softly through the speakers was enough to dissolve the tension. Glancing over at the unusually silent Mandy, the worried look on her face causing his stomach to twist.

“So what happened to your boyfriend?” he asked, not wanting to know just how badly he had injured Ian but not being able to stop himself.

“Why do you care?”

“Don’t, but I do work with him and I need to know exactly how much time I am going to be covering for his ass,” Mickey said hoping he pulled the indifferent act off.

“Jesus, you really are an asshole. My best friend is in the hospital and all you can think about is your own selfish needs. Show some compassion, you dick.”

Mandy’s words cut deep, but he couldn’t afford to let her see that. He hadn’t meant to hurt Gallagher so badly, he just needed to shut him up. He had succeeded in doing so, but at what price?

“Just answer the question, bitch. You were the one who busted into my room demanding a ride.”

Mandy said nothing for what seemed like forever, but was only a few minutes, the wait testing Mickey’s patience to the max. He needed to know what Gallagher had said. He already knew he didn’t tell who was responsible, if he had Mandy wouldn’t have asked him for a ride. Who was he kidding? He could admit if only to himself, that the need to know how the redhead was is driving him insane. So Mandy’s insistence of dragging her feet in answering him, was trying on his already fried nerves. 

“No one knows what happened, Ian hasn’t said too much about it, but he was beat up pretty badly. Lip said he basically stumbled in the door and passed out. He hasn’t answered any of their questions. Lip said he has a concussion though. That’s really all I know.”

Mickey said nothing in response, he just pulled up in front of the hospital and watched as Mandy jumped out and ran.


	2. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian should have listened to Lip when he told him that messing with Mickey Milkovich would never amount to anything good. But the older boy made him feel things that he had never felt before. He was a thug and a bully, but Ian thought he could see something else shining through that defensiveness that Mickey wore like most people wore their coats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one, a little something to let you know what is going on in Ian's head at the present moment.

Ian should have listened to Lip when he told him that messing with Mickey Milkovich would never amount to anything good. But the older boy made him feel things that he had never felt before. He was a thug and a bully, but Ian thought he could see something else shining through that defensiveness that Mickey wore like most people wore their coats.

He had never in his wildest dreams thought that Mickey was gay, but the day he had dared to walk into his bedroom intent on getting Kash’s gun back, had him questioning anything he had ever heard or thought about him. At first he had chalked it up to a fluke,maybe the older boy was testing him, seeing if he was really a fag, he remembers being terrified that he was going to get his head bashed in, but it had never came to pass. Instead he had the most intense sex of his life. All he could think was, ‘I want more and how soon can I get it?’

Turns out it wasn’t a very long wait after all, and it became something that Ian never wanted to lose. What had started out as the best fuck in his life had grown into something he didn’tever want to lose. He loved Mickey Milkovich, with everything in him, and he had thought that the dark haired boy had felt the same. Despite everything he said to the contrary.

Turns out Ian was wrong, so wrong. The aches and bruises and broken ribs testifies to exactly how wrong he had been. He really should’ve listened to Lip. Ian thought to himself, wiping at his wet face with an unsteady hand, He really needs to quit with the water works, they never do any good. It was a lesson he learned long ago, when he thought that crying would change the fact that he was the only one that Frank hated enough that he used him for a punching bag. Or that no matter how much he begged Monica to get out of bed, she never did, except when she managed to, she never stuck around long enough to mean anything.

Sometimes Ian wishes he could be more like Lip, who seemed to handle things a hell of a lot better than him. He never let Monica’s here today gone tomorrow tricks bother him. He seemed to let it roll right off him, maybe he just grew numb to it all. He would have to ask him what his secret was. 

The Gallagher’s always had shit luck, Frank had always said. And for once the drunken asshole seemed to be onto something. When has any Gallagher ever had any luck in matters of the heart?

Frank had the bad luck to fall in love with Monica, an unmedicated bipolar, couldn't stick around if her very life depended upon it.

Fiona fell in love with Jimmy/Steve who lied about who he was, then let a ten year old blackmail him into keeping his secret. But even he didn’t stick around, despite having told Fiona how much he loved her.

Then there was Lip, he fell in love with Karen, who couldn’t be faithful even if she tried, and he had to remember to put more antibiotics in Lip’s toothpaste, he didn’t know if it does any good, but it can’t hurt.

Then there’s him, Ian Gallagher, probably the saddest of them all. Falling for the neighborhood fagbasher/thug had to be the winner. He should’ve known really, Mickey had told him time and time again. He had never been more than a warm mouth, or stiff dick to the older boy. Why had he ever convinced himself otherwise? It was his own fault really.

He feels bad for his younger siblings though, they have yet to realize the true meaning of what it means to be a Gallagher. It hurts his heart to think that one day they would find out. Hopefully not by getting it beat into them like he did.

Ian closed his eyes, willing sleep to come, with any luck the doctor would let him out of here tomorrow, so he can go home and lick his wounds in the privacy of his own room, before putting it all behind him and forgetting that Mickey Milkovich had ever owned a piece of his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want better for you, Ian!” The statement caused Ian to freeze and meet the tear filled eyes of his older brother. “Does that surprise you? You're my little brother, man. I looked out for you since you were in diapers toddling after me crying. Do you think it was going to change just because you're older? Do you know what it was like to see you stumble into the house that night, Ian? Do you have any idea how scared I was? How scared we all were? So fuck you for thinking that this is anything but me looking out for you!”

It had been a week since Ian had gotten released from the hospital, and the bruises were mostly gone. Except for the big one that lied in the vicinity of his heart. No matter how many times he told himself it was time to move on, put Mickey and all of the heartache of him in the past,Mandy would laugh or say something sarcastic and her similarities to Mickey would bring it all back. It had gotten to the point that Ian had stopped hanging out with her so much.

It hurt though, seeing the disappointment in her eyes each time he made his excuses, she was his best friend and he couldn’t stand to be around her, and he didn’t dare to tell her why. For one thing it wasn’t just his secret to share, for another it was still much too painful to talk about.

Something he wished Lip would understand, it hadn’t taken long for him to figure out who had been responsible for the beating, and he hadn’t let up on it since. 

“You have to tell Fi, Ian. She isn’t going to let it go until you do. Why you’re still protecting that asshole though is what I can’t figure out.”

Ian glared at Lip, wishing he would buy a clue and just leave him the hell alone. Once again Ian was trapped in his room with an irate Lip. Fiona had waylaid him with the same questions just a little bit ago downstairs, the only difference was she had no clue who it actually was. He had escaped upstairs to his room knowing Fiona wouldn’t follow, but Lip had, much to his disgust.

“You wouldn’t understand, Lip. So leave it alone,” Ian said for what felt like the millionth time.

“You’re right, I never understood what you saw in him in the first place. He treated you like dirt, never even acknowledged your existence unless he wanted to get his dick wet.” 

What Lip said hit too close to the truth, fresh pain shot through him at the very thought. Not something he would give Lip the satisfaction of being right about though.

“And how was Karen any different? You sit there and tell me about how awful Mickey was, and how stupid I was for getting involved with him. Take your own advice, Lip,” Ian shouted, refusing to let the tears fall that were there even now when he thought he was through crying over the blue eyed thug.

“I want better for you, Ian!” The statement caused Ian to freeze and meet the tear filled eyes of his older brother. “Does that surprise you? You're my little brother, man. I looked out for you since you were in diapers toddling after me crying. Do you think it was going to change just because you're older? Do you know what it was like to see you stumble into the house that night, Ian? Do you have any idea how scared I was? How scared we all were? So fuck you for thinking that this is anything but me looking out for you!”  
To say Ian was stunned was an understatement. He thought Lip was just being his normal assholish self. Turns out he was wrong. He seemed to be wrong about a lot of things of late.

“I’m ok, Lip,” Ian said, not knowing what else to say.

“But you aren’t, Ian. You’re walking around here like a fucking zombie, man. You barely eat, and this is the most I’ve heard you talk since you’ve been home. Fiona is freaking out, she watches you all the time waiting for you to break. We all are. Have you noticed how Debs looks at you? Or Carl? You need help, I failed you once and I don’t wanna fail you again.”

Ian looked at Lip and shook his head. He never once thought Lip felt that way, he had never failed him.

“You never failed me, Lip”

“I did though, Ian,” Lip said, sitting down on Carl’s bed, his head hanging low, he watched with growing disbelief as Lip lit a cigarette, and his hands were shaking.

“How did you fail me? You’re not responsible for what Mickey did, Lip.”

“I failed you when I let that sick pedo fucker take advantage of you, Ian. The day I found out about Kash and did nothing, that’s when I failed you.”

“This again? I told you, Lip, Kash didn’t do anything I didn’t want him to.”

“He was a grown ass man, Ian. He had kids for christ sake. You were only 14. What if it was Carl or Debbie?”

The swift change in subject threw Ian, seeing Lip explain to him what he was talking about.

“What if it were Debbie or even Carl that was involved with someone that was as old as Kash?”

Ian was starting to see what Lip was saying, and he didn’t like it at all. What he was feeling must have been written all over his face cause Lip just nodded.

“Now you’re getting it. It was wrong on all levels. And I failed when I let it continue to go on. And I continued to fail you even now. I should go over and beat Mickey within an inch of his life for what he did to you.”

“No, Lip,” Ian pleaded. “Just leave it be please. I just want to forget everything.”

“That’s just it, Ian. You aren’t forgetting anything, you’re walking around here lost in your head. Letting it eat away at you. You're even pushing Mandy away.”

Lip got up and walked over and ruffled Ian’s hair like he used to when he was younger, then he turned towards the door and said, “Think about what I said, will ya.”

Ian watched Lip leave, closed the door behind him and laid back to ponder what Lip’s revelations meant to him, and how it affected the way he had let Mickey treat him.


	4. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Admiring your handy work, Milkovich?” Without even turning Mickey knew who it was, he hadn’t come here for this, but Mickey had never backed down from a confrontation in his life and he for damn sure wasn’t going to start with this asshole.
> 
> “I don’t know what talking about,PhilLip. But if you know what’s good for you, you’d better walk the fuck away”

Mickey slammed his bedroom door behind him and almost fell onto the bed, to say that this last week had been fucked was a vast understatement. From start to finish it had been a waking nightmare. Terry and his constantly watching him with that ‘know it all’ smirk on his face. Bating him trying to get him to slip up.

“Gonna do a beat down on some fags tonight. Think I’ll find any red headed ones there, Mick?”

That was his go to every time he failed to get a rise out of him, and Mandy would always glare daggers at him as if she knew. Had she somehow found out? Was that the reason why she never hung out over at the Gallagher’s anymore? He didn’t know and for for damn sure wasn't going to ask her, let sleeping dogs lie and all that shit.

Leaning down he felt around under his bed and smiled, grabbing the bottle of whiskey he had hidden there he took a long swallow and lit a cigarette, his mind drifting back to what had put him in such a funk, though he would never admit it even to himself.

He had seen Gallagher today, just in passing. He had been out on one of his walks through the neighborhood, he just happened to be in the vicinity of the Gallagher house. The redhead hadn’t seen him though. He had quickly crossed the street, and watched from there, he looked good though. A little too pale, even for him. He watched him wince when he bent over to pick up the little one, what the fuck was his name? There were too many of those fuckers to ever keep up with. And he winced right along with him, his ribs were still giving him trouble it seemed. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. No, it had been what had happened while he was standing there. 

******************************************************************************************************  
“Admiring your handy work, Milkovich?” Without even turning Mickey knew who it was, he hadn’t come here for this, but Mickey had never backed down from a confrontation in his life and he for damn sure wasn’t going to start with this asshole.

“I don’t know what talking about,PhilLip. But if you know what’s good for you, you’d better walk the fuck away”

“You know what I’m talking about, don’t even try to play dumb. I figured it out, you know. Ian didn’t have to say a word. He would never take that kind of a beating off anyone else, and you know it.”

Mickey took a threatening step forward ready to bash this asshole right in his know it all face. 

“Lip, leave it alone, it’s not worth it. Fiona wants you inside, something about Carl’s math homework.” 

Mickey froze, he couldn’t turn around, Ian had walked over here without him noticing. And he didn’t know what to say. Slowly like a moth to a flame he turned, meeting green eyes, it was the coldness that stopped him from saying anything. The green eyes that once looked at him with warmth, were cold. Not one scrap of feeling, it physically pained him. That look.

“Gallagher...” Mickey said, stepping forward before he could stop himself. Only to stop when the redhead stepped back.

“No, Mickey. Just leave ok, and don’t come back.” 

He watched helplessly as Ian turned and walked away, ignoring the smirk on the older Gallagher’s face, Mickey did just that.  
******************************************************************************************************

Swearing, Mickey angrily stubbed out his cigarette, took another drink from the bottle in his hand and wondered when he had become such a pussy. He knew when, it was when a certain redhead decided to grow a pair and break into his house to threaten him with a tire iron.

Gallagher made him soft, made him care. He slowly wormed his way into his life and pushed until Mickey got careless. He was always so careful, banging girls like Angie Zago to cover the fact that he liked dick. Getting what he needed when he was in juvie and could cover that shit up. But Gallagher had changed all that.

With his puppy eyes and freckles and a smile that put the sun to shame. He wasn’t smiling today though. And those puppy eyes were cold and lifeless. Seems like he had succeeded in making the younger boy hate him. Why didn’t that fact bring him the joy it should have? He was safe now, Terry thought his little lesson had stopped him from liking dick. He didn’t have to worry anymore. No more sneaking around, no more redhead to make him laugh, telling him stupid stories or going on and on about wanting to be GI Joe. It worked, and Mickey had never felt more alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving all the comments please keep them coming they feed the muse. Promise the chapters will get longer as the story progresses.


	5. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian couldn’t believe that Mickey had been standing across the street from his house, never once when they were fucking did he attempt to seek him out here. He had asked Mickey once why he never came over just to hang out and his response had caused Ian never to ask again.

Ian couldn’t believe that Mickey had been standing across the street from his house, never once when they were fucking did he attempt to seek him out here. He had asked Mickey once why he never came over just to hang out and his response had caused Ian never to ask again.  
*************************************************************************************************

They had just finished zipping up after their normal hook up in the freezer and Ian glanced over at the older boy, a half grin lighting his face.

“You should come over. We can play X-Box or something.” 

Mickey looked at the redhead in disbelief and snorted.

“You think we’re friends or something,Gallagher? Or do you think we are what, boyfriend and girlfriend? Not gonna happen, Carrot Top so get the thought right outta your head.”  
****************************************************************************************************

Sure, things had gotten a little better as time went on. Mickey had started to hang out with him just a little. You could’ve knocked him over with a feather when the older boy had invited Ian over for the night, but that was a time he didn't dare let himself think about. It was still too fresh in his mind. The horror of it still woke him up at night, sometimes in a cold sweat. 

What had happened at the building was another can of worms that Ian never dared to open and think on too much. It taught him something though, a lesson he knew would stay with him for quite awhile.

Never trust that someone you care for won’t turn on you and beat you when you’re down. And never trust in blind instinct either. He had been so sure that the older boy had grown to care for him for more than just a convenient fuck, turns out he was wrong. Fucking was all it was and he needed to remember that. 

It was a lesson brought to him in pain and blood and broken bones, one he would never forget.

“Ian!” His name being called brought Ian back to the present, He blinked and looked over to find Lip standing beside him, with a concerned look on his face. “What the fuck, man. I’ve been calling you for like ten minutes. You ok?”

“I’m fine, Lip. Just tired.” And Ian wasn’t lying when he said it either, he was just so fucking tired, tired of nothing ever going right for him. The never ending cycle of bad that seemed to fill his life. It was never going to end. 

Lip watched the way Ian just seemed to wilt, he wasn’t the same happy go lucky, never let anything keep him down for long Ian anymore. For one thing he was quiet, and Ian was never quiet. He has yet to go back to work, and maybe that's a blessing in a way. Mickey worked there and he needed to stay far away from that disaster waiting to happen. 

“You wanna burn one?” Lip asked and smiled when Ian sat up. He lit up and drew in a drag before passing over to the red head.

“Proud of you.” Off Ian’s look of confusion he elaborated “You really stood up for yourself out there, didn’t let him pull you back in. He was always able to before.”

“Ya,not really. I just kinda left,” Ian said, not in the mood to talk about this right now, or ever really, but knowing Lip wasn’t going to let it go. 

“That’s just the thing,Ian. You walked away, you didn’t do what you normally would have done.”

Ian knows what Lip was getting at now, he had told him what had happened after the whole fiasco with Frank catching them. He had jumped right back into whatever in the hell they had going on despite Mickey’s nearly shattering his heart a few months before.

That was it, wasn’t it. That’s what Mickey had come to expect from him. His coming back no matter how many times Mickey tore his heart apart. It was a never ending cycle of abuse, not the physical kind, at least not then. But he would tear him down with his words and actions. Then expect him to bang him when he was in the mood. And Ian always fell for it, because one kind word or smile from Mickey and he melted.

But Mickey always put him back in line real quick though.

*************************************************************************************

“Missed ya,” Mickey said after taking a drag off his smoke. Ian smiled and swung down to sit beside the older boy.

“Ya did?” Ian winced at the pleased response, could he get any more obvious? 

“Ya man, had to do all the fucking in the joint.”  
*******************************************************************************

That one was brutal and Ian had quickly changed the subject so as not to let Mickey know how badly it had affected him.

“I think you really shocked him,” Lip said,His smug voice starting to grate on Ian’s nerves.

“Yeah, well I don’t really care about how much I may or may not have shocked him. I just wanted him gone.” Done with talking about all things Mickey, Ian changed the subject.

“I’m going to be looking for another job. Have to really, Linda filled my position while I was in the hospital,” Ian told Lip, not that it was anywhere near the truth, Linda had told him he could come back whenever he was ready to. Ian knew though that he would never be ready to go back there, and not just because Mickey worked there either. It was time to move on, he had thought a lot about what Lip had said, and came to the conclusion that as much as it kills him to admit, Lip was right. What happened with Kash was wrong, on so many levels and not just because he was married with kids. He was messing around with a minor, granted Ian thought he was old enough to handle it. But looking back, he really was just a kid with Daddy issues and didn’t that thought just want to make him heave. Right after punching Frank in the face of course.

“You can get another one, man. Don’t sweat it,” Lip said, but the look on his face said Ian wasn’t fooling him. Damn him for knowing him so well.

“Ya, I’ll start looking tomorrow. “

The door opened and Carl came rushing in, his arms behind his back, looking suspicious as hell. Seeing them sitting there, he turned as if to leave and Lip was on him.

“”What are you hiding, Carl?” The resigned tone coupled with Carl’s almost too innocent look had Ian laughing despite the situation. Getting up, he chased after his two fleeing siblings, thinking that being a Gallagher may be tough most of the time, but he wouldn’t give it up for the world.


	6. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The slam of the front door wasn’t enough to divert Mickey’s attention from the game he was currently playing. Mandy’s flopping down on the couch beside him, however, caused him to lose the advantage in the game of Mario Kart he was playing. Bitch would ruin a wet dream, shooting her a glare which, as usual, she ignored, and grabbed the controller out of his hand,
> 
> “I was playing that, bitch face.” Mickey said, trying but failing to grab it back.

The slam of the front door wasn’t enough to divert Mickey’s attention from the game he was currently playing. Mandy’s flopping down on the couch beside him, however, caused him to lose the advantage in the game of Mario Kart he was playing. Bitch would ruin a wet dream, shooting her a glare which, as usual, she ignored, and grabbed the controller out of his hand,

“I was playing that, bitch face.” Mickey said, trying but failing to grab it back.

“Don’t care, you were gonna lose anyway” Mandy said, with a mutual flip off , they retired to their corners. Mickey was trying to ignore the depressed look Mandy had going on, she looked like she lost her best friend. For all intents and purposes he supposed she did. A certain redhead hasn’t been coming around lately and as much as he hated to admit it, the two were usually joined at the hip. Not of late though. Seems Gallagher wrote both Milkoviches out of his life. Not that he cared, but Mandy did. 

“So where’s your boyfriend been lately?” Mickey asked, noting the way Mandy's shoulders seemed to sag.

“Haven’t seen him much. He still isn’t back at school and everytime I stop by his house he’s never around. So I don’t know. Why do you care anyways?” Mandy asked him, glancing over curiously, Mickey had been acting weird lately, even for him. Constantly asking her about Ian, when he never even talked to him when he was coming over regularly.

“Don’t. The fucker still hasn’t come back to work.” He tried to sound casual, hoped he pulled it off. Mandy’s next comment proved that he had.

“Lip said he was looking for another job.” Mandy announced, unaware that she had totally just rocked Mickey’s world.

“Why are you hanging around that asshole again?” Mickey asked.

“Not that it is any of your business but I was asking him about Ian.”

“Oh, what did he say then?” Mickey asked, the response slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“Again with the concern about Ian. What the fuck, Mickey. He owe you money or something?”  
Mandy sounded more curious than mad though. Causing Mickey to wish he had just kept his fucking mouth shut. Gallagher always got him into trouble even when he wasn’t around.  
“And don’t you dare say you don’t care cause apparently that’s a lie, your constant questions prove that. What’s really going on? Are you the one that gave Ian the beat down, Mickey? Because I swear to fucking God, I will end you.” Seeing the guilty look she jumped to her feet.

“That’s it isn’t it. You’re the one responsible for this and now you’re trying to cover your ass by seeing if he said anything. It’s also why Ian hasn’t been returning any of my calls or seeing me when I go over there. You’re a complete asshole.” 

Mickey found himself fending off the punches of a very irate Mandy. He wasn’t lying when he said that Gallagher didn’t know Mandy, at least not then. The bitch could throw down, the way they grew up you had to.

“Hey, bitch, stop it! It’s not what you’re thinking!” Mandy however seemed intent on rearranging his face and wasn’t slowing down her attacks at all

“Do you have any idea what you did to him, you asshole? He had three broken ribs and a concussion. His cheek bone was fractured. There is nothing he could have done to deserve that.” 

A particularly nasty right hook to the side of his head had Mickey reeling. Having about enough, he grabbed onto the struggling Mandy and wrestled her to the couch.

“Will you just stop for a fucking minute and listen to me. It wasn’t what you think it was, well maybe it was, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.”

“You’re not making any sense, asswipe. And it doesn’t fucking matter, nothing could’ve warrented that. Nothing, and I’m not interested in hearing any of your excuses. He could’ve died,   
Mickey. Lip said he was barely conscious when he walked in, do you know what could’ve happened to him walking home like that? Do you even care. So fuck you and your petty little excuses.”

Mandy pushed Mickey off of her and stood up not wanting to be near him right then.

“Terry caught us,” Mickey said, softly, not looking at her, knowing that if he did he wouldn’t be able to go on. “He walked in and caught us, caught me taking it up the ass and he lost it.”

Mandy looked at Mickey with growing horror, and the thug wanted to curl up in shame. But he started and couldn’t seem to stop, and Mandy was listening with tears running down her ashen face.

“He beat us both, then called in a Russian whore, cause God forbid if Terry Milkovich would have a fag for a son. Ian, he watched, Terry made sure he did. God, the look on his face. When it was over Terry made Gallagher leave. He told me if he ever caught us together again, he’d kill us both.”

“Oh God, Mickey.” Mandy breathed, she walked over and sat next to him, wanting to hold him but knowing Mickey would never let her, so she listened.

“So I stayed away, you know? Cause I didn’t want to fuckin die, and Gallagher, he wouldn’t stay away, ya know. He always had to push, insist there was more to it than there was, or ever could be. I tried to tell him I wasn’t gay, couldn’t be if I wanted to live. He pushed and pushed and I just snapped. I had to make him understand that we were over.”

“So you beat him up to what, prove your point?” 

Mickey looked at her then saw the pity there, but there was anger there too. Mickey knew that the anger was directed at him but not for the reason he always feared. Mandy didn’t care that he banged other guys, why would she? She had been Gallagher’s beard. No, she was mad for an altogether different reason. While Mandy may love him, he knows she had always been in love with Ian. He was the unattainable dream, she loved him but she couldn’t have him, not the way she wanted to anyway. So she settled. Having Gallagher in her life, even if they were just friends, meant everything to her.

“He wouldn’t quit, Mands. He knew how things were, but he always pushed for more, damnit.”

“Oh my God, you're the one- no wonder he would never tell me who.”

Confused now, Mickey listened to Mandy as she seemed to work something out in her head.

“My God I’ve been so stupid, how did I never figure it out.” She turned towards him, horror dawning on her face.

“You’re the closet guy.” Now Mickey was really confused. What the fuck?

“Ian always talked about this guy he was seeing, always went on and on about how much he liked this guy, but he was in the closet so he couldn’t tell me who he was, but that was alright because apparently this guy didn’t give a shit about him anyway. And oh my God that’s disgusting, I know more about my brother’s sex life then I ever wanted to know.”

“What the fuck! Just what has that asshole been saying about me?” Mickey asked

“That asshole has been sticking up for you, you ungrateful dick. I know everything you know, didn’t know it was my prick of a brother, but I know all about your “relationship” and all Ian ever did was stick up for you. Made excuses for everything you said to him. I told him to just forget about you, well I didn’t know at the time it was you, but you get what I’m saying. Oh my God, that time you went to juvie for punching that cop, that had something to do with Ian didn’t it?”

Mickey looked away and shrugged. This was getting more uncomfortable by the minute. Did Ian have to tell Mandy everything?

“He started seeing that Ned guy. Stopped mentioning closet guy all together. Because apparently he was nothing but a warm mouth anyway, so he might as well prove him right. Then all of a sudden he was back to making excuses again. It explains so much, it was after you got out.

Tired of hearing Mandy screech, Mickey got up and started toward his bedroom.

“Where are you going? I’m not through yet.”

“Maybe not, but I’m through listening to you,” Mickey said. “I have better things to do than sit and listen to you all day.”

“Your an ass, Mickey and someday you will realize how stupid you were to let Ian get away.”

Mickey said nothing, just flipped her off and slammed his bedroom door behind him. He didn’t need her to tell him how stupid he was, he already knew.


	7. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian was getting a drink when the sound of approaching footsteps alerted him to the fact that he was no longer alone, well as alone as you could be living in a house where people just popped in at a moment's notice. He was hoping to get a drink and make his way back to his room before he was spotted, and he had thought he would get away with it when he found the kitchen empty.
> 
> “You’re a hard man to get a hold of, Ian Gallagher.”

Ian was getting a drink when the sound of approaching footsteps alerted him to the fact that he was no longer alone, well as alone as you could be living in a house where people just popped in at a moment's notice. He was hoping to get a drink and make his way back to his room before he was spotted, and he had thought he would get away with it when he found the kitchen empty.

“You’re a hard man to get a hold of, Ian Gallagher.”

Ian closed his eyes and sighed, Mandy. He knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid her forever. He turned around to find his best friend standing there with her hands on her hips, and by the look on her face, she was going to make him pay for ignoring her.

“Hey, Mands.”

“Don’t you hey Mands me you ass. Why are you avoiding me?” 

Straight to the point, Mandy was never one to play around, when she was pissed, and by the look of her she was beyond pissed and heading towards livid. Shit. It wasn’t that he hadn’t missed her, it was that he really wasn’t up to pretending that she didn’t know the guy he had been telling her about was none other than her brother. It didn’t help matters that they looked and acted so much alike either. It kind of rubbed salt into the very wounds he was trying to heal.

Sighing, he grabbed an extra beer then headed towards the stairs, with Mandy trailing behind him. Once there he shut the door behind them, something about the set of Mandy’s shoulders told him this was going to be a conversation that was better off between them and no siblings listening in. Handing her one of the beers, he sat down on the bed and opened his own. 

“I wasn’t avoiding you.”

“Bullshit.” 

Startled, Ian looked at her and was surprised, Mandy no longer looked mad though, she looked like she was trying not to cry.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Tell you what?” Ian asked, trying to think if there was anything he could’ve possibly kept from her that would’ve warranted a reaction like this.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was Mickey?”

Ian froze, every part of him turned to ice, Mandy knew, but exactly how much did she know though? Who could’ve possibly told her? If Lip let it slip he was going to murder him.

“What was Mickey?”  
“Quit playing dumb, Ian! I know, alright, I know everything. I know you and my brother were fucking, I know that Terry caught you, and I also know that Mickey was responsible for you ending up in the hospital. What I don’t know is why. Why did you keep this from me?”

The cat was well and truly out of the bag and now his best friend knew everything. And the only one who could’ve told her was Mickey. If this would’ve happened a few months earlier, Ian would’ve taken it as a sign that the older boy cared, but it wasn’t and he didn’t, so this shit was just awkward and painful.

“It wasn’t my secret to share, Mands. I couldn’t tell you because Mickey didn’t want you to know he didn’t want anyone to know. And at the time, I just wanted him, it didn’t matter that no one else knew. I knew, and that was enough,”Ian said, rubbing a frustrated hand over his face, fuck he didn’t need this.

He was dealing with enough right now. Mandy wasn’t going to let this go though, so he resigned himself to scraping the scabs off of barely healed wounds.

“And the other?” Mandy asked, softly.

“Can’t we just let it lie? Terry is a homophobic asshole that just acted true to his nature and beat the shit out of a couple of fags. It didn’t matter if one happened to be his son. As far as Mickey? Let’s just say it opened my eyes and leave it at that.”

Mandy scooted over closer to Ian and laid her head on his shoulder, Ian stiffened before relaxing and wrapping his arms around her, He missed this, Mandy being in his arms. Not in a sexual way, it’s never been about that to him, and isn't now. It was just two friends leaning on each other. Being there for each other.

“Is that why you quit coming around?” Mandy asked, breaking the comfortable silence they had fallen into.

“Mostly. That and I’m still a little sore. The ribs are still healing.”

“It’s fucked up you know?” Mandy said tightening her arms around him.

“What is?”

“That Mickey couldn’t see what he had. That he let Terry ruin everything.”

“Yeah, well, his loss right?” Ian said trying to make it a joke and failing miserably when his voice broke. Mandy sat up and took Ian’s face in her hands, looking into blue eyes so much like Mickey’s it physically hurt to see them. 

“It is you know? His loss. You’re a great guy, Ian Gallagher and one day my brother is going to realize that and when he does? It will break him.” Softly kissing his cheek, she once more settled into Ian’s arms and held her best friend while he cried.

The door’s opening woke Mandy, looking over she met Lip’s concerned gaze before silently motioning him out. She carefully sat up, freezing when Ian started to move, she breathed out a sigh of relief when he didn’t wake and tip-toed out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.

Lip was standing a little ways down the hall waiting on her. 

“How is he?” he asked, keeping his voice whispered. Ian was a very light sleeper and he wanted to find out Mandy’s take on him.

“Hurting, but I think he will be alright.”

“I heard you guys talking earlier, so I left. Ian he keeps things bottled up-”

“Until he shuts down,” Mandy finished. “I know. He wasn’t coming around, he was avoiding me, I just didn’t know why until I pried it out of Mickey.”

“I tried to tell him since the beginning of this disaster, but Ian wouldn’t listen,” Lip said, concerned eyes on the closed door.

“He loves him. Lip you of all people know that when you love someone you do everything you can to hold onto it. “

“That’s why I tried to tell him. Nothing good ever comes out of a unrequitedlove.”

“No, it doesn’t, “ Mandy said softly, looking at Lip with a bittersweet look on her face. “Sometimes, though, you get a good friend out of it.” 

Lip looked at Mandy, shocked by her confession. Mandy Milkovich was in love with Ian. 

“Does he know?” 

“No. And he won’t either. He loves me too.”

“Just not the way you want him to,” Lip said.

“The only way he can, though. It’s enough. He’s the only guy who ever loved me for me. Not for a quick tap it and leave it. It’s better this way. I won’t ever lose him.”

“What about you though?” Lip asked her, drawn to the soft side he had never seen before. 

“I’m good. Don’t you tell him.”

“I won’t”

“You fuckin better not,” Mandy said, pissed that she let Lip Gallagher of all people in on her closely guarded secret. If Ian ever found out, she would lose him. He would take himself out of her life so she wouldn’t have to deal with it. And that would be worse than having him but not ‘having’ him. Mickey really didn’t know just how lucky he was. When he realizes it though, it will break him. She can only hope he does before it’s too late.


	8. Hurt 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian woke up feeling strangely numb, it was a relief though. From the constant back and forth between anger and bone crushing hurt. The black hole that had been threatening to swallow him was strangely absent, he felt nothing. He could get used to it.
> 
> He got up and went into the bathroom, he took a piss and stripped down, turning on the shower, he got in. The hot stream of water felt good on the still lingering aches and pains. Reaching for the shampoo he washed and rinsed his hair. Going through the motions of bathing without really thinking about it. To be honest, he wasn’t thinking about anything. The confrontation with Mandy and the resulting release of pent up tears had drained him.

Ian woke up feeling strangely numb, it was a relief though. From the constant back and forth between anger and bone crushing hurt. The black hole that had been threatening to swallow him was strangely absent, he felt nothing. He could get used to it.

He got up and went into the bathroom, he took a piss and stripped down, turning on the shower, he got in. The hot stream of water felt good on the still lingering aches and pains. Reaching for the shampoo he washed and rinsed his hair. Going through the motions of bathing without really thinking about it. To be honest, he wasn’t thinking about anything. The confrontation with Mandy and the resulting release of pent up tears had drained him. 

Finished with his shower he pulled the curtain and reached for his towel, once again drying off without really thinking. It was weird, this feeling of nothingness. Was that really a word? Shrugging his shoulders he got dressed.

He went downstairs, the house was strangely quiet, glancing at the microwave clock he saw it was the middle of the night. He slept through dinner, no one woke him. Huh. Ian wondered why, then shook it off. He wasn’t doing anything to risk losing the peace he was feeling right now. He didn’t know how long it would last, but he was determined to hold onto it as long as he could.

Grabbing the plate someone, most likely Fiona, left in the microwave he headed into the living room to eat and watch some late night crappy tv. After he was finished eating Ian laid back on the couch, watching the infomercial until his eyes slid shut.

When Ian next awakened it was to the normal Gallagher breakfast noise. Debs and Carl fighting over who got the last piece of bacon was what drew Ian out into the kitchen.

“Hope you saved me some, I’m starved,” Ian said, walking over to join his sibling at the kitchen table.

“Morning, Sweetface. I got yours right here,” Fiona said, sitting a plate in front of Ian, then kissing the top of his head like she used to when he was younger. She had been doing that a lot lately, playing the mama bear. Ian used to love it when he was younger, made him feel special. Now it just made him feel annoyed.

“Thanks, Fi.”

“No problem. Just hurry and eat up, you’re going to be late.” 

“Late for what?” Ian asked already knowing the answer though. They had been having this same argument ever since he had been cleared to go back to school.

“I don’t want to hear it, Ian you are going to school today. I let you get away with it all last week. Today you are going.”

“No, I’m not, Fi,” Ian said, pushing the plate away and standing up he headed for the stairs.

“Then tell me why!?” Fiona yelled, her voice cracking halfway through the sentence. “Give me something here, Ian. You won’t tell me anything you walk around here like a fucking zombie. I just need to know how to help you! Please, Ian.”

Lip got up and ushered the younger Gallagher’s out of the room, before coming back in and sitting down. He knew this was coming, and he wanted to be here in case he was needed. He watched Fiona plead with Ian, hoping this wasn’t going to end in disaster. Knowing, though, that it was going to and wishing he wasn’t going to be right.

Ian closed his eyes against the tears he heard in his older sister’s voice, and to his horror he felt his own welling up too. So much for numbness. Suddenly he turned, and let it all rush out.

“What do you want to hear, Fiona? Do you wanna hear how I was fucking Kash since I was 14, and only stopped when Linda caught us?” The horror on Fiona’s face made Ian scoff. “No? Ok then, how about when I started fucking Mickey Milkovich, not stopping until his homophobic prick of a Dad caught us and nearly beat us to death? Oh, and had Mickey raped by a Russian whore right in front of me.” He chuckled brokenly when the Fiona’s shoulders started to shake with the force of her sobs. “Still no? Well this one should do it. How about when Mickey beat the shit out of me and left me there on the ground?!”

“Ian, that’s enough,” Lip said, taking Fiona into his arms to comfort her, Ian watched in horror as his sister broke. 

“I’m sorry, Fi.” The broken whisper shook Fiona from her own misery long enough for her to pull Ian into her arms.

“Oh, Sweetface there’s nothing for you to be sorry for. It’s me who should be sorry. You were going through hell and I didn’t see it.”

Ian sobbed harder when he felt Fiona’s arms wrap around him. He never wanted to have Fiona find out about any of the things he told her, he knew she would take the blame. 

“I didn’t want you to know, Fi. You got enough to handle. I was good.”

“But you weren't good, Ian. That’s the point, I should’ve noticed,” Fiona said.

“I knew,” Lip said. Drawing both Ian and Fiona’s attention. “I knew and I still let it happen.”

“Nobody let anything happen. I made the decision, me. Nothing you could have said would’ve mattered, Lip,” Ian said.

“Maybe not. But killing that pedo Kash would’ve solved some of it.” 

Ian shook his head in disagreement. 

“Kash wasn’t the problem, Lip.”

“He was though. He was what started the whole thing. No Kash, no Mickey. Simple math,” Lip stated. 

“You knew, Lip and you didn’t tell me?” Fiona asked, glaring at him.

“Wasn’t my secret to tell, Fi. Ian asked me not to say anything.” 

Ian watched the scene in front of him unfold as if it were a scene of an accident. This was exactly why he hadn’t said anything. The brewing argument between Lip and Fiona wasn’t something he ever wanted to cause.

“Hey! Listen, you guys!” Ian screamed, startling both siblings into looking at him.

“I love both of you and I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. But this isn’t on either one of you. It was my decision, all of it. Mine, I chose to fuck Kash, I chose to fuck Mickey. It’s all on me. Do I regret it? God yes. But the one thing I don’t do is blame either one of you.

“I haven’t been going to school because Mickey pops up there on the regular and I wasn’t ready for that. Truthfully, I don’t think I ever will be. I’ll make you a deal, let me have the rest of this week and I will go back, I promise. I’ll even have Mandy pick up my assignments. Is that good enough?”

“Yeah, Monkey that’s more than enough,” Fiona agreed softly, Ian nodded and escaped upstairs to his bedroom.

“How could I have missed it, Lip. Ian was going through so much. I didn’t even notice,” Fiona asked, dropping down in a chair at the table.

“He didn’t want you to know, that’s how, Fi. Ian’s has always been self reliant. The only reason I found out was because I caught them. Kash and Ian. Ian let it slip about Mickey though. “

“Think he will be alright?” Fiona asked.

“I don’t know, Fi. I hope so. All we can do is be here for him.”

Nodding, Fiona sighed and started clearing off the table, Lip got up to help, both Gallagher’s lost in separate but similar thoughts.


	9. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey wasn't really paying too much attention to where he was walking, he just needed to get out. Mandy and her attitude were really starting to piss him off. She had always been a bitch, that’s nothing new, but she has been in extra bitch mode since their little heart to heart. After handing him his ass, she had torn out of the house like the hounds of hell were after her.
> 
> It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know where she was heading. Taking a drag off his cigarette, Mickey rounded the corner and collided into what felt like a brick wall, he looked up ready to beat the ever loving shit out of the asshole who had caused him to drop his last cigarette.

Mickey wasn't really paying too much attention to where he was walking, he just needed to get out. Mandy and her attitude were really starting to piss him off. She had always been a bitch, that’s nothing new, but she has been in extra bitch mode since their little heart to heart. After handing him his ass, she had torn out of the house like the hounds of hell were after her.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know where she was heading. Taking a drag off his cigarette, Mickey rounded the corner and collided into what felt like a brick wall, he looked up ready to beat the ever loving shit out of the asshole who had caused him to drop his last cigarette.

“Watch where you’re going, asshole.” 

Looking up he fell head first into pools of green, the threat drying up when he saw who it was he had bumped into. He opened his mouth to say something, and was stunned into silence when the redhead calmly stepped around him and continued in the direction in which Mickey had come from.

“What the fuck? You ignoring me now, asshole?” Mickey asked, Ian gave no indication that he had heard him, and Mickey didn’t know what was pissing him off more. The fact that Gallagher was ignoring him, or the ache that settled in the pit of his stomach. Deciding on the former he stalked forward and grabbed the younger boy’s arm.

The resulting flinch caused him to let go just as quickly as he grabbed. Gallagher has never reacted to his touch like that before. Sure he had been scared of him the time Mandy had lied, but that was before. This is now and the redhead always gave as good as he got, not now though. Mickey didn’t like it, and he really didn’t like the guilt that resulted either.

“Look, Gallagher-” 

“No,” 

The softly spoken statement was hard to make out, and Ian must have realized this cause he repeated it, louder.

“No, Mickey.”

Mickey shook his head, confused. He stepped closer, not touching close, but enough that they couldn’t be overheard by whatever asshole that happened by. The movement caused the younger boy to take a step back.

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” Mickey asked, frustrated that he wasn’t able to read the other boy. Gallagher’s feelings were always so easy to read, his facial expressions were always a give away. Not now though, it was blank, devoid of any kind of feeling, Mickey didn’t know how he felt about that.

“No, Mickey. I’m not doing this anymore.” Ian finally looked at the older boy, his face may have been cold and unfeeling, but his eyes. Mickey looked away first, the green eyes were dark with hurt and so much pain it literally tore Mickey’s heart in two.

“This warm mouth is not on the market anymore. Maybe Angie Zago is available.” 

Mickey had no reply to that, he just watched the younger boy until he faded from sight. He stumbled over to the building, and used it to support his suddenly weakened legs. Digging the palms of his hands into his eyes he swore.

“Fuck.”

Seemed like he not only got the younger boy to hate him, he seemed to have broken him too. It was what he had set out to do, so why did he feel like he just lost something he needed? Pushing off the wall, Mickey changed his direction and headed back towards home. He needed to get rip roaring drunk and forget that Ian Gallagher had ever existed. He had done what needed to be done. That was all there was to it, Terry finding out had been the last straw, he wasn’t getting himself killed for a quick fuck when he can just get his rocks off with Angie. He wasn’t gay, so what if he occasionally liked to get dicked. There were plenty of places he could get that.

So Gallagher had a big dick and he knew how to use it, it didn’t mean anything. Gallagher didn’t mean anything. Ignoring the stab of pain he felt when he remembered the look in the younger boy’s eyes, he wiped his eyes and cursed when his hand came away wet. 

Walking into the house, Mickey wasn’t shocked to discover that Terry had somehow found his way home and was currently passed out on the couch, he had to restrain himself from walking over there and beating the shit out of the fucker. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that Mickey knew that even drunk and high off his ass, the old fucker would kill him. Some people were easier to beat when they were high, not that asshole, an enraged Terry, drunk or sober, was almost impossible to beat.

Walking passed the temptation that would only result in his dying, Mickey headed towards his room. As he passed Mandy’s door, he winced at the volume of the music coming from the other side, banging on the door as he passed to let the inconsiderate bitch know to turn it down.

“Fuck off.” 

Pissed, Mickey didn’t even bother with knocking, he flung open the door.

“What the fuck, turn that shit down.” And wanted to bleach his eyeballs out.

“What the fuck, asshole. I’m getting dressed,” Mandy screeched, holding her shirt up to her chest.

“It ain’t nothing half of the South Side hasn’t already seen, bitch.”

“Get the fuck out you useless waste of space!” 

Ducking the shoe Mandy threw at his head, Mickey slammed the door. 

“What the hell is all the racket going on.” 

Great the bitch woke up Terry. Just what he needed.

“Nothing, Terry. Just Mandy being a bitch, as usual.” 

“Keep it the fuck down, I got a run tonight and I need some sleep.”

Mickey flipped off the already slumbering Terry, and Mandy’s closed door for good measure, and walked into his own room slamming the door behind him.


	10. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To say Ian was pissed was a vast understatement, he couldn’t believe that Mickey had the nerve to accuse Ian of ignoring him when the asshole has spent the majority of their relationship ignoring him. Not that there ever was a relationship anyway. At least not in Mickey’s case. The truth of it hitting Ian dead in the chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day. Yay me. Thanks for all the comments, I love hearing from you

To say Ian was pissed was a vast understatement, he couldn’t believe that Mickey had the nerve to accuse Ian of ignoring him when the asshole has spent the majority of their relationship ignoring him. Not that there ever was a relationship anyway. At least not in Mickey’s case. The truth of it hitting Ian dead in the chest. 

They were never in a relationship, they were friends that fucked, no - they weren’t even that, Mickey never wanted to just get together and hang out, the only reason why he stayed in the vicinity of him for longer than it took to get his rocks off was because Mickey didn’t have a choice. It was either work at the Kash and Grab or violate probation. 

Ian had thought it had gotten better though. Mickey’s inviting him over to spend the night, it was different and it had given Ian hope. Hope that the older boy had needed him for more than a quickie in the freezer. Ian refused to dwell on the morning after, it was something he saw repeatedly every time he closed his eyes.

Terry’s fist crashing into his face and the pain exploding through his head, the ache of his ribs from crashing against the arm of the chair was nothing compared to the agony of watching the person he loved get violated and beaten. 

Pushing away the memory, Ian was surprised to find that he had arrived at the park he was meeting Mandy at. The encounter with Mickey had really done a number on Ian, shaking it off he walked towards the swing, forcing a smile on his face he sat down beside his best friend.

“What took you so long? I was late getting here myself and you still weren’t here. Thought you were going to stand me up,” Mandy said, kicking his foot. “Thought I was going to have to resort to hunting you down. Then it would’ve gotten ugly.”

Laughing, Ian kicked back gently. Leave it to Mandy to bring him out of his funk, he missed her.

“Me? Avoid you? Perish the thought.”

They both laughed, Mandy kicked Ian’s foot again and pouted.

“Push me?” 

“You kick me then want me to push you? Not exactly a great way of getting what you want.”

Ian laughed harder at the resulting scowl on Mandy’s face, he got to his feet and walked over and gently started to push her.

“So Mickey’s being an even bigger asshole than usual.”

Ian froze before he gently started to push Mandy once more, not liking the way the conversation was heading he decided to stop it before it became a thing.

“Mandy, I love you dearly and I have truly missed hanging out, but I have no interest in talking about Mickey and any of his moods.”

Mandy let out a frustrated sigh, she hadn’t even thought about what she was saying. Ian had always been her sounding board for every little thing that went wrong in her life, and now she was going to have to watch what she was saying. This was going to take some getting used to.

Ian felt bad for snapping, but he was trying to move on, and listening to Mandy bitch about the very person he was trying to move on from, he wasn’t there yet. And if he was being honest with himself, he doesn't think he ever will be. The older boy was the love of his life, and he was the bane of his existence too. 

“I’m sorry, Ian.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Mandy. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. It’s just too soon. Mickey was the one, my one, you know? To him I was just this dirty little secret, his guilty pleasure. And it hurts.”

Mandy got off the swing and turned to look at the redhead. His eyes were wet and Mandy hated to see him hurting so much. Knowing that her brother was the cause, it just pissed her off.

“Wanna get ice cream?”

Ian laughed wetly and looked around them. 

“It’s like thirty degrees out and you want to get ice cream?” Ian asked.

“Why the fuck not? There som law I don’t know about that says ice cream can’t be eaten in the winter?” Mandy asked in disbelief.

“Not that I’m aware of, no.”

Grabbing onto the older boy‘s arm. She dragged the laughing Ian behind her.

“Then shut up and come on. Ben and Jerry’s is calling my name.”

“They are, huh? You want me to give you guys some privacy?” 

‘What? Ewe, Ian get your mind out of the gutter. I thought it was only straight guys who were pervs. Turns out it’s the whole gender. What a let down.”

Ian laughed and let Mandy pull him after her.

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“Yeah, yeah. Less with the talking and more walking. I’m freezing.”

“Ice cream will only make you colder,” Ian said reasonably

“Yeah, but it will be worth it. Come on, Ian I hope you got enough money cause I want a banana split.”

“Who said I was paying? Wasn’t my idea, so why should I have to pay?”

The glare he received was so worth it. Mandy was so fun to rile up, Ian forgot just how much fun until now.

“Fuck you. Because I said so. So hurry up.”

“Quit bitching and start moving already. “ 

Mandy flipped him off and once more grabbed his arm to pull him down the street.

“Quit distracting me then.

The two friends laughed and joked, chasing one another down the street, so engrossed in their fun they failed to realize that they were being followed.

The man threw down his cigarette and followed the redhead at a distance, but close enough not to lose him. When he had taken the job he was told the boy would be easy to get to. He had stood outside where the redhead worked every night and the boy never showed. It was frustrating. He thought he had caught a break when he spotted him walking down the sidewalk, but no dice. He hadn’t been able to single the boy out. And time as they say was money and the longer it took him to get this done. The longer he would have to deal with the asshole who hired him.

He never should’ve taken the deal, but he was drunk and the drugs were of good quality so he caved. He would just forget about the whole thing, but the one thing he always prided himself on was keeping his word when given. Bound by his own stupidity. The redhead would pay double for his trouble.


	11. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian awoke to the muffled sounds of his siblings coming from the kitchen below, by the sounds of it Debbie and Carl were into it over something or other. Ian found himself grinning for the first time in a long while he had gotten a decent night's sleep.

Ian awoke to the muffled sounds of his siblings coming from the kitchen below, by the sounds of it Debbie and Carl were into it over something or other. Ian found himself grinning for the first time in a long while he had gotten a decent night's sleep.

Yesterday, despite the surprise run in with Mickey, Ian had a good day. Hanging out with Mandy was fun, and he shouldn’t have avoided her as long as he did. It wasn’t as awkward as he thought it would be either, her knowing the truth. It was refreshing, in a way, knowing he didn’t have to pretend with her, she just knew him. Enough to be able to tell when he was lost in his head, and how to bring him out of it.

Stretching, Ian sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed to stand. Walking over to the dresser he and Lip shared, Ian sighed, before opening the drawer to find a t-shirt to put on, he had promised Fiona he would return to school today, not something he was looking forward to, but he had promised.

Pulling out the first shirt he found that would fit, he put it on, bending down he grabbed the jeans he had on the day before. They would do for now. Dressed to face the day, he headed towards the door.

Padding down the steps he found the normal morning craziness going in full swing, not bothering to announce his presence and add any more chaos to the situation he walked over and grabbed a cup from the cupboard, pouring coffee into the mug, he refilled the one that was thrusted in front of his face without bothering to see whose it was.

“Morning, kiddo. Ready for school?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Ian stated, before taking a drink.

“Maybe he won’t show today.” 

Ian shrugged his shoulders, before taking another sip of his coffee.

“Wouldn’t bet on it, someone always tries to skip out on paying, and school’s the best place to catch them. It’s no big deal, have to get used to it sometime.”

Putting the empty cup in the sink, Ian glanced over towards the table, hoping Fiona would just let it go, no amount of talking was going to change anything. He breathed out a sigh of relief when Fiona took the hint and turned her attention towards getting his younger siblings lunches ready. 

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Ian swore when he noticed the time.

“Fuck, I’m late.” 

Grabbing a package of pop tarts, Ian rushed towards the door,,

“Wait up there, speedy.” 

Lip’s breathless voice said from behind him, Ian slowed down to wait for the older boy to catch up. Glancing over he laughed at how out of breath Lip was.

“You know if you wouldn’t smoke two packs a day that wouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“Fuck you. Not everyone can run three blocks without getting winded.”

Ian said nothing just grinned, not wanting to point out the obvious that he wasn’t having any difficulties,

“Once again, fuck you. I don’t know how your ass does it, your ass smokes just as much.”

“Maybe, but I also exercise more than you do.” 

Lip play punched Ian in the arm, saying nothing for a good minute. 

“You gonna be alright today?” 

“Yes, daddy. I think I can handle going to school. I’m a big boy now.”

“Not what I meant and you know it.”

Ian didn’t respond right away, he just kept walking. Was he ready? That was the million dollar question, it shouldn’t be a big deal, going back to school, it wasn’t like Mickey actually went there. He just happened to show up there on the regular. He always managed to be around whenever Ian was through with ROTC practice, if school bleachers could talk, those would have some stories to tell.

“I ran into him yesterday, on my way to meet Mandy,” Ian found himself confessing.

“How did that go then?” Lip asked, lighting a cigarette and passing it to Ian before lighting another one for himself.

“He accused me of avoiding him. Which was ironic because he is the master of avoidance “

Ian took a drag of his cigarette, still pissed at the gall of the accusation. 

“Then I told him if he needed his dick sucked to go see Angie Zago.”

“Wish I could’ve been there. His expression had to be priceless,” Lip said laughing. 

“I’m proud of you, man.” 

The quiet statement took Ian by surprise, glancing over, he caught the older boy’s gaze before he looked away, uncomfortable.

“I’m sick of it, you know?” 

Lip kept quiet, this was the first time in recent memory that Ian seemed willing to confide in him and he wasn’t going to blow it by talking.

“It wasn’t just the beating, I could’ve looked past that. Or tried to anyway. It was the constant blowing hot and cold that was hard. One minute he was ignoring me and the next he couldn’t wait for me to get on him. The constant back and forth did my head in.”

Ian grew quiet for a minute, staring off into the distance, almost forgetting Lip was even there.

“I used to make excuses for him.” The comment was so low Lip had to strain to hear it.

“In my head, and when I talked about him to Mandy. She of course didn’t know who the ‘closeted asshole’ was. Her words not mine. But I would make excuse after excuse after excuse ntil even I was getting sick of the repetitiveness of it. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t understand that we had to be careful. I knew who the fuck his dad was. But Jesus, Lip - was I asking too much for a little bit of feeling?” 

Ian’s voice broke halfway through the question. 

“No, Ian. You weren’t asking too much,” Lip answered. 

“Then when he invited me over, I thought, maybe this is him telling me he cares. And for just a little while it seemed like I was right. We laughed and joked, it wasn’t just about a quick fuck in the back of a freezer. Then Terry came home early and the whole thing went to hell.”

They had already passed the school by the time Ian was done talking and Lip never mentioned it. What was one more day? Fiona could just get over it, Ian had finally broken enough to talk, and school could wait.

“You wanna talk about what happened then?” Lip asked hoping he wasn’t pushing too hard.

“Not my story to tell,” Ian said.

“Bullshit. You were there too.” 

“Maybe so, but Mickey paid the most,” Ian said, thinking back to the bloody faced Mickey lying there while that Russian whore climbed on top of him was burned into Ian’s brain. Granted he had his own scars from that awful day, but Mickey’s were far more.

“Ok, that is no doubt the truth, but it doesn’t excuse the way his actions afterwards.”

Ian knew what actions Lip was referring to, the ones that had led to him lying broken and bleeding in the courtyard of the old building where Mickey and Ian had spent so much time. He still didn’t remember how he had made it home that night. That was what had finally convinced Ian that Mickey had never cared anything about him, the fact that he had left him there, not the least bit worried on whether or not he was capable of making it home on his own or not.

“I know.”

The softly spoken words was the first time that Ian had ever openly admitted that the Milkovich thug was responsible. While he hadn’t denied it, he had never admitted it either. It was progress, at least as far as Lip was concerned. He would have to be happy with that, for now.

“How about we go hang out somewhere we aren’t in danger of getting frostbite?” Lip asked rubbing his hands together to try and generate some warmth.

“Sounds good,” Ian said and followed Lip in the opposite direction of the school, while it was all well and good to skip, it wouldn’t do to let anyone see him.


	12. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey groaned as he rolled over onto his back, blindly reaching for the phone that was currently causing his head to explode.
> 
> “Someone better be fuckin dead,” Mickey spat into the phone not even bothering to look to see who was calling.

Mickey groaned as he rolled over onto his back, blindly reaching for the phone that was currently causing his head to explode.

“Someone better be fuckin dead,” Mickey spat into the phone not even bothering to look to see who was calling.

“Good afternoon, sleeping beauty, “ Iggy’s smug voice answered. “No one’s dead, at least not yet, but you may be if you don’t get your ass up and ready. Pops is ready to blow a gasket.”

“First off, fuck you. And second, fuck you once more just for being the asshole that you are. And what in the fuck are you yammering about? Pops never said anything to me about no job,” Mickey stated sitting up, he held back a groan when the room tilted dangerously before righting again once more, threatening to bring up what little he had in his stomach. What the hell did he drink last night anyway?

“He hollered at you through your door last night. I know you heard him, you answered and everything.”

Groaning, Mickey once again wondered for the millionth time if Iggy’s mom dropped him on his head when he was little. From what little Terry said about her, she was a drug addicted whore, he thanked God everyday that they were only half siblings, there’s no way they shared full DNA.

“I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, dipshit. How about giving me the abridged run down.”

“Pops has some deal going down across the state line. He wants all of us there.” 

Shit, now that he thinks about it he vaguely remembers Terry shouting something at his door, he had been so wasted he had no clue as to what he said though.

“Give me five.” Not bothering to say goodbye, he hung up and pocketed his phone. Reaching for his cigarettes, he lit one before putting them in his back pocket also. Grabbing his coat, he headed for the door,. wishing he had time for a cup of coffee and a bottle of painkillers.

“What the fuck were you doing, Mickey. Yanking on it? I ain’t got time for this shit. Get in the fucking car.” 

Ignoring Terry, Mickey opened up the back door and climbed into the car, swearing loudly in reaction to the car pulling out before he got the door closed.

“What the fuck, Pops. I won’t do you any fucking good if you gotta scrape me off the road.”

“Shut your fucking mouth and listen, if you would’ve been up when I told you to be, you would already know what is going on.”

Glaring at the back of the older man’s head, Mickey wished for the millionth time that he had the courage to just shoot the fucker in his head. No one deserved to be shot more than Terry did.

“I got a meeting with someone I’ve been trying to cut a deal with for months, if you three fucks screw this up they will be finding pieces of you for years to come. So you better be listening closely. You got that, Iggy?”

”What you always singling me out for?” Iggy asked, causing Terry to hit him upside the head.

“Because you’re the dumb fuck who always messes up.”

Iggy rubbed his head, mumbling something under his breath that Mickey couldn’t make out, but no doubt if Terry did he would get more than a hit to the back of the head.

“As I was saying, I got a meeting with someone who is about as hard to pin down as a squealing pig and as slick as a whore’s cunt. But he has money and he’s a mover and a shaker. Knows all the right people. If this deal works out I’ll be sitting high and dry. All you three numbskulls have to do is watch my back. You get that? No talking, just stand there and watch for any funny business. I’ll do all the talking. Shouldn’t be too hard, even for you.”

When Terry was done talking, Mickey leaned back in his seat and looked out the window at the passing scenery. Trying and failing not to let his mind wander back to the events of the night before that lead to his by now throbbing headache.

Running into Gallagher last night was not in the plan, but the redhead was always popping up in places that Mickey wished he wouldn’t. So no one was more surprised than him whenever he literally ran into Ian. He had no intentions of talking to him, but that went out the proverbial window whenever the younger boy just stepped around him like he hadn’t just caused Mickey to drop his last cigarette.

Pissed at being ignored, he had asked the ginger what his problem was, and got even more pissed when Gallagher hadn’t answered him. Not thinking, he had grabbed for the younger boy’s arm then quickly dropped it when he had flinched.

Gallagher had actually flinched when he touched him, out of all the reactions he had ever gotten from the younger boy at his touch, flinching had never been one of them. He had always seemed to crave Mickey’s touch. Which was why he had hardly ever done it, he didn’t want there to be any false signals. They fucked, that was it. Feeling was never brought into it, at least not for him. That was the deal, but he didn’t like to share either, whenever he found out about that geratric fucker it was all he could do to not beat the fucker half to death.

The fliching thing though, that was bothering Mickey, a lot. Which was really starting to eat away at his insides. He didn’t like what he was feeling, what he was feeling could get him dead. No dick, no matter how good it was, is worth dying over. Surely the younger boy had to realize this too. He was there, he saw first hand what Terry did to fags. So why was the younger boy shocked whenever he quit going around him.

Why did he have to hunt him down and act like he knew what the fuck he was feeling? Why the fuck didn’t he just leave him alone? He just had to hunt him down though, and push until Mickey snapped. It was all the fuckers fault. All of it. 

Except, it wasn’t. Not really, he knew Gallagher thought he loved him or whatever. It was stupid, he was stupid. Ian Gallagher was too good for the likes of him, despite what he thought. He didn’t think it any more though, Mickey had made sure of that.

The memory of his fist meeting Gallagher’s face, and the sound he made whenever his foot connected with his face still haunted Mickey. Maybe he could have handled it another way? Even as he was thinking Mickey knew there wasn’t one, Ian would’ve kept coming back for more, and he had to put a stop to it.

That he had landed Ian in the hospital as a result? Well there was nothing he could do about it now, whatever the fuck they were was well and truly done. Gallagher made sure of it.

*********************************************************************************************

“This warm mouth is not on the market anymore. Maybe Angie Zago is available.”

**********************************************************************************************

It stung and it hurt more than he thought it would, but it’s over. 

The car coming to a stop brought Mickey back to the present, shaking off things he could do nothing to change, Mickey got out and followed behind the man who had so royally fucked up his life. Wishing once more that he could put a bullet in the fucker and end his misery.


	13. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I fucking hate you, Iggy.” Mickey said for what had to be the millionth time since this shit all began. Mickey knew going in there was something drastically wrong with the situation they were walking into.

“I fucking hate you, Iggy.” Mickey said for what had to be the millionth time since this shit all began. Mickey knew going in there was something drastically wrong with the situation they were walking into.

For one thing, it was too easy. Nothing Terry Milkovich had ever gotten them mixed up in had ever gone as smoothly as things were currently going. And he had told Iggy to keep still and not move a muscle. But the fucktard never listened to a word anyone ever told him.

**********************************************************************************************

“Alright, change in plans. Mickey, you and Iggy stand out here and keep an ear out, you hear anything going down, you bust in, guns drawn,” Terry said, motioning over towards the high weeds that were on either side of the door.

“Colin, you’re with me. Just remember to keep your mouth shut and let me do the talking. You fuckheads better be on your best behaviors.”

Mickey and Iggy moved to take their places and watched as the two went into the building. No sooner had the door closed there were muffled shots and yelling. Thinking fast, Mickey had spotted a window not too far from where he was standing. No way was he going in there and not knowing what he would be walking into.

“Stay still, Iggy. I’m going to see what’s going down. No way am I going in there and getting my head blown off.”

Crouching low, Mickey all but crawled over to the window and cautiously raised his head to look in the dirty window. To find that all hell had broken out inside, there were cops everywhere and they were currently slapping the cuffs on a struggling Terry. Not knowing if they had anyone surrounding the outside, Mickey knew that if they didn’t want to get caught they would have to play it smart in getting out of there without being seen.

Ducking down once more, he quickly made his way back towards where Iggy should’ve been waiting, only to find the retarded mother fucker with his hand on the door ready to go in.

“Hey, stupid what the fuck are you doing!?” Mickey whispered. 

“What Terry told us to do,” Iggy shouted back, Mickey cringed at the loudness of his response, so much for quiet.

“Did Terry tell you to get yourself arrested too? “ Mickey asked, eyebrows raised. “No, I don’t think he did,special ed. Now do you think you can keep it down so we can concentrate on getting outta here without alerting the local pigs?”Mickey asked. Neither boy was willing to go down for the asshole who they had the misfortune to call Dad. So they both turned and started running towards the main road. which was what had led them to their current situation. 

*******************************************************************************************************  
Iggy was never known to be light on his feet, but even he should’ve been able to see the trip wire that was strung across the ground, but either he didn’t see it or he saw it and tripped over the fucking thing anyways. It had probably been set up by whoever it was Terry had been meeting and it alerted everyone, including the cops, of their existence. Mickey hadn’t bothered to look and see if Iggy was behind him, he had taken off. 

Now here they were out in the middle of hicksville, probably being spied on by some cannibalistic inbred mother fuckers just waiting to kill them. If he got out of this alive, he was going to kill Iggy.

“You already said that, Mickey.” 

“Yeah, well it bears repeating. Do you have any fucking idea where we are?’ Mickey asked.

“No. Pops never said and I fell asleep on the way here.”

“Of fucking course you did. Holy fuck is there nothing else around here but farms?” Mickey hollered. Once again stepping in a big pile of cow shit. If it wasn’t so tragic it would be funny. How could this be his life?

“Cheer up, Mickey at least we lost the pigs.”

He glared over at Iggy, wondering how the asshole could be so cheery when they were stuck out in the middle of nowhere, and had no way to get home. Their only source of transport was probably sitting in an impound yard right now, there was absolutely nothing to be happy about.

“”Cheer up Mickey, we lost the pigs.” Oh my God, you are a special sort of stupid aren’t you? What exactly do you find funny in this?”

“Come on, Mickey why do you gotta be like that? We could be sitting behind bars right now. I know what your problem is. You need to get laid.”

“Get laid? That’s what you think is wrong with me? Fuck you. I have got to get outta here before being around you rubs off on me.”

Walking ahead, Mickey tried to ignore the idiot that was trampling behind him, get laid, that was the last thing on his mind. What he needed was a drink. Maybe a joint to go along with it. Hell right now he would just settle for a cigarette. 

“You got a smoke?” Mickey asked Iggy.

“No, I just put out my last one.” 

“Fuck, man we gotta be hitting a road at some point right?” 

“Ask and you shall receive,” Iggy answered, gesturing towards the lights that were coming towards them.

“Thank fuck. Hurry up, Iggy or I’ll leave your ass behind, hopefully it’s not a cop.”

Mickey hollered over his shoulder as he broke into a run.

“Nah, those fuckers are long gone.”

Reaching the road, Mickey stuck up his thumb, cursing every wrong turn movie that Mandy ever made him watch and prayed that whoever was in the truck didn’t have the taste for eating human flesh. If they did, he was throwing Iggy at them and running. 

Getting home had been a harrowing experience and Mickey had never thought he would be so glad to see the shitty streets of the South Side. The first ride they managed to flag down had been in the back of a truck with a bunch of chickens. They had squawked and flapped their wings covering both Iggy and him with them. If he never saw another fucking bird again it would be too soon.

After that there was the preacher who just happened to have business in’ Chicago and was going their way if they needed a ride’ He had gone on and on about the way the world was heading and that they better make things right with Jesus. On and on the man went and Mickey was ready to pull his hair out. Iggy, the idiot was sitting there soaking everything up.

Wanting nothing more than a cigarette, a shower, and to get drunk, though not necessarily in that order, Mickey broke into a trot when the house came into view. So intent on getting where he was going he didn’t see Mandy sitting on the steps until he almost stepped on her.

“What the fuck are you doing out here sitting in the dark for?”

“Waiting for you to come home,” Mandy responded, her voice strangely muffled.

“Well, I’m here, no thanks to Igg’s fucking ass.”  
“Hey fuck you, asshole. It’s not my fault,” Iggy said, pushing passed the two siblings and opening the door.

“Of course it’s not. Because nothing ever is right, numbnuts?”

“MICKEY!” 

Mandy’s screaming his name causes Mickey to switch his glare to her.

“What the fuck are you holloring for?”

“Where the fuck have you been all day, asshole?” 

“What’s it any of your business where I’ve been? I don’t answer to you.”

“No, you just answer to Daddy, right? Terry says jump and you say how high.”

“Listen, I don’t know what the fuck your problem is, but you better back the fuck down.”

Mandy was really lucky that he didn’t hit girls, cause if it had been anyone else talking to him that way, they would have been eating their teeth by now.

“Listen, asshole while you were out kissing Daddy’s ass, Ian was rushed to the hospital.”

Mickey opened his mouth to put Mandy in her place once more when what she was saying finally broke through the anger. His heart came to his throat and he found himself not able to talk.

“He and Lip were jumped tonight,under the L, Fiona got worried when it started to get late and neither one of them had come home yet. I went over after school to hang out with Ian, when he wasn’t there I decided to wait for him. The later it got the more worried Fiona got so we all went out and started looking.”

Mandy paused and waited to see if Mickey was going to say anything, when he didn’t she went on.

“Fiona was the one who found them, they were both unconscious though, so she called 911.”

“What happened to Ian, Mandy?”   
“We don’t know, Lip didn’t see who it was.”

“I didn’t ask who, Mandy. I asked what happened to Gallagher.”

“He was in surgery the last time I talked to Fiona.”

“And?”

“There was a lot of damage done from the knife wound to his side.”

Knife wound? What the fuck did you get yourself into Gallagher?

“Jesus Mandy, would you spit it out already”

“Alright. He was stabbed three times, his arm is broken, and he has some fractured ribs.”

Mickey couldn’t breathe, his hands started to shake and his legs got weak. Slowly, as though he were in a dream, he sat down on the step. Mandy’s words playing over in his mind on repeat.

“The doctor said he was stable though, they just had to go in and repair some tissue damage, but with some rest and physical therapy he would be fine,” Mandy said, softly. Laying a comforting hand on the older boy’s shoulder.

Shrugging off her hand, Mickey got to his feet and started back towards the way he had come.

“Where are you going, Mickey?’

“The hospital.” 

“They won’t let you in. Not tonight,” Mandy hollered.

“They won’t fucking stop me,” Mickey responded, not even bothering to turn around. Cursing Mickey’s stubbornness, Mandy ran to catch up, all the while thinking that this wasn’t going to turn out so good. Not with Lip and Fiona knowing about Mickey being responsible for the first time Ian was in the hospital.


	14. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know when I said let’s hang out somewhere we wouldn’t get frostbite, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”
> 
> Ian looked around taking in the clutter that was surrounding them, he hadn’t been here since the night that his whole world flipped upside down. Walking over to the window, he gazed down into the courtyard below, and shuttered.

“You know when I said let’s hang out somewhere we wouldn’t get frostbite, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

Ian looked around taking in the clutter that was surrounding them, he hadn’t been here since the night that his whole world flipped upside down. Walking over to the window, he gazed down into the courtyard below, and shuttered.

Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to bring Lip to the very spot that Mickey had beaten the shit out of him not too long ago, but whenever Lip mentioned going somewhere to hang this was the first place he thought of.

Turning his back to the window he walked over towards the fire they had started a fire in the old drum that Mickey had gotten from somewhere, and sat down beside Lip on the old ratty couch. Staring blindly into the flames, Ian gave a choked laugh.

“I said the same thing the first night Mickey brought me here. It’s old and crumbling but it worked, you know? We even made a training course up on the roof out of some old tires and whatever else we happened to find. I’d run through my drills and Mickey would shoot his gun, I could never get out of him whether the bullets were blanks or not.”

Lip looked over at Ian, surprised by the information he was getting, Ian had told him about fucking Mickey, but he had never offered up any detailed accounts of what they did whenever they just hung out. Taking a drink from the beer they had gotten, Lip sat back and listened, whatever Ian had to say, he would listen.

“We used to come here and just hang for hours. Drinking, getting high, fucking. Whatever we felt like doing at the time. Or whatever Mickey felt like doing. You know it’s funny, I never realized just how much time I spent waiting on Mickey. He controlled everything. When we could meet up, what we were going to do. Everything was HIS decision.“

Ian took a drink from the beer before he stood up and threw the bottle at the wall. Standing, he started pacing back and forth, the more he thought about it the more angry he got. Rounding on Lip, he caused the other boy to jump with surprise at the suddenness of the movement.

“You know it was right outside that window that Mickey beat me until I passed out? He beat me and left me LYING there. Did he even care if I was able to make it home? I laid there for hours, Lip. Hours! Anything could’ve happened. And he didn’t give two shits about it. That’s what hurts the most you know? That he didn’t give enough of a shit to make sure I made it home. Not the beating, not even the coldness on his face. It was that he left. I knew then. I knew then that I was never more than a ‘warm mouth’ or a good ‘bang’. That’s all it ever was. To him, and that just...” Ian was at a loss for words for how to explain it. 

“It broke something, no not something. It broke ME. I’m broken, Lip. How do I come back from that? Can I come back from it? I loved him.” He laughed brokenly, his voice cracking. 

“Who am I trying to fool. I love him, and knowing that he doesn’t even care, not even a little bit. How do I even move on from that?” Ian continued.

Lip watched helplessly as his little brother broke down and bawled. Lip has seen Ian pissed, he’s seen him hurt, and he’s seen him happy. But he has never seen him like this, not even whenever Monica makes her appearances had he seen him like this. Ian was always the strong one, he took everything in stride, nothing ever seemed to faze him. At least that was what he and Fiona always thought. To think that Mickey Milkovich, the South Side’s dirtiest whiteboy, was the one who had driven him to this state makes Lip want to hunt the other boy down and make him pay.

“Ian, I don’t know what to say here that you’re going to want to hear, but it will get-”

“Easier with time,” Ian finished, before shaking his head in denial. “I don’t know about that, Lip. Has Karen’s leaving gotten any easier for you?”

“Totally different situation, Ian. For one thing I knew what I was getting into with her, and I was still stupid enough to fall for her. That was all on me.”

“I knew what I was getting into with Mickey too. Believe me, he never failed in reminding me. I just thought things were different, that he was starting to fall for me too. The whole sleepover thing really gave me hope.”

“Until Terry came in and changed things for both of you.” 

Ian nodded in agreement. “So where does that leave me?” Ian asked softly, hoping the one person who never let him down had some sort of miracle cure.

“I don’t know, Ian. I will tell you this though, you’re strong, one of the strongest people I know. If anyone can come back from this it’s you.”

“You really think so?”

With that short sentence, Ian sounded so much like the scrawney little freckled faced redhead that used to follow him around. That Lip felt tears come to his eyes.

“I know so.” Lip said standing up and patting the younger boy on the shoulder. “What do you say we get out of here and head home before Fiona sends out a search party.”

“Oh, Fuck Fiona! I’m telling her it was your fault I didn’t go to school today.” Ian said following the older boy out into the frigid evening air.

“I see how you are, pass the buck over to me whenever you think there’s trouble brewing with Fiona.”  
Ian smiled, flashing Lip his signature puppy eyes. Before laughing and pushing past his brother to take the lead.

“Race ya. Last one to the underpass buys the loser a six pack.”

“Ian, that’s no fucking fare. You got longer legs than me.”

Ian didn’t answer he just laughed and sprinted down the street, neither boy paying attention to the car that was slowly driving behind them.

Mandy knocked on Gallagher's door, and waited impatiently for someone to answer. The door swung open revealing a harried looking Fiona.

“Oh. Mandy, it's just you.” The older woman said before glancing anxiously to the left and right of the road.

‘Was you expecting someone else?” Mandy asked.

“What? Oh ,no It’s just that Ian didn’t show up at school and he and Lip have been gone all day. Since you’re here. They aren’t with you, I’m starting to worry.”

Mandy watched an agitated Fiona glaring down the street, and felt a frisson of fear herself.

“You might as well come in and wait,it doesn’t look like their coming home anytime soon and it’s cold as hell out here.” Fiona said,running a agitated hand through her hair.

Mandy went in and closed the door softly behind her. She walked into the livingroom and sat on the couch,watching anxiously while a agitated Fiona paced a full circle around the room, before grabbing her coat and walking towards the door.

“I can’t just sit here, I know something is wrong, I can feel it in my bones.I’m going out to see if I can find them I’ll call Kev and V see if they seen them. I hate to ask but can you ask Debs to keep an eye on Liam? He just fell asleep and I don’t wanna drag him out in the cold. Then maybe you can Carl can start looking between here and Kash and Grab. I will head the opposite direction and we’ll meet up over by Sheila’s in about an hour.”

Mandy nodded her head in agreement and headed for the stairs,while Fiona left the house, the door closing softly behind her,


	15. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two Milkovich’s entered the hospital, ignoring the glares that accompanied their arrival. Mickey looked around until he spotted the front desk, saying nothing to the strangely silent Mandy, who had given up on convincing him not to come, trailing behind him. Stopping in front of the desk,Mickey waited impatiently to be noticed.
> 
> “Can I help you, sir?” 
> 
> “Yeah you can. I’m here to see Ian Gallagher.”
> 
> The woman said nothing in response, just started typing on her computer.

The two Milkovich’s entered the hospital, ignoring the glares that accompanied their arrival. Mickey looked around until he spotted the front desk, saying nothing to the strangely silent Mandy, who had given up on convincing him not to come, trailing behind him. Stopping in front of the desk,Mickey waited impatiently to be noticed.

“Can I help you, sir?” 

“Yeah you can. I’m here to see Ian Gallagher.”

The woman said nothing in response, just started typing on her computer.

“Ian Gallagher? Yes, he’s here, but I’m afraid you won’t be able to see him tonight.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Mickey-”

“No, Mandy. I’m not leaving here until I see him, so this bitch is going to tell me why not.”

Mandy knew this was a bad idea which was why she came with the stubborn ass, he was going to end up getting arrested.

“Mickey, come on. We can come back tomorrow.”

“NO! Fuck that. I came here to see Gallagher and that’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Mickey said, switching his angry gaze from Mandy to the receptionist. “You going to tell me where he is or am I going to search this place until I find him.”

“Sir, please try to understand there are rules that have to be followed, and visiting hours are over. Mr Gallagher was just put into his room a little while ago. I do believe his family is in the waiting room though if you want to talk to them.”

“No, I don’t wanna talk to them, I’m here to see Gallagher.”

Mandy looked around them nervously, she knew Mickey was pushing too hard. Sure enough she spotted security heading their way’

“Mickey, come on we can come back tomorrow,” Mandy said, nervously eyeing the approaching men, trying to get Mickey to leave without the upcoming confrontation she knew was going to happen.

“I told you I’m not waiting and what the fuck has you so spooked?” Mickey asked, he glanced behind them and saw the two idiot rent-a-cops coming at them.

“You called the rent-a-cops? Look, lady, I ain’t scared of some little boys in blue that were too busy sucking mommy’s tit to become a real pig. Alright? All I want is to see Ian and then I’ll leave. Everyone’s happy then, right?”

“Should have known it was you causing all the trouble. What are you doing here, Milkovich?”

Mickey stiffened and hardened his stance before facing Lip ‘the asshole’ Gallagher.

“Not any of your business why I’m here. So just move along, asshole.”

Lip smirked, causing Mickey to want to punch the asshole right in his ugly face.

“It is if you think I’m letting you anywhere near my brother.”

“That ain’t up to you, now is it?” 

“See that’s where you have it wrong. You going near Ian? That is very much my business But before I watch the nice guards throw you out on your ass like the trash you are, I’m curious about something.” The anger in Lip’s voice was unmistakable. 

“I see you rushed right down here when you found out about Ian, like you really give a shit right? You care ‘so much’ that you beat the shit out of him and left him to find his own way home?” Lip continued.

“Fuck you, you don’t have any idea what went on.”

Lip walked closer to the two Milkoviches, fists clenched so hard they actually hurt. If they were anywhere else but standing in the middle of the hospital corridor Lip would pound the ever loving shit out of the asshole. Instead he would settle for putting this prick in his place.

“You sure about that? I know that you’ve been fucking my brother, I also know that your homophobic piece of shit of a father caught you, and that you treated my brother like a whore!”

Mickey looked around, glaring at the attention they were attracting before turning back towards the dead man walking.

“I don’t know what you think you know, but you better back the fuck up.”

“Listen you piece of shit, when Ian told me he was banging you I told him he could do so much better, but Ian laughed it off and said he knew what he was doing. I had to watch as you destroyed my baby brother. I watched as the happiness and innocence faded leaving behind a shell of the Ian I used to know. I had to listen as he cried, cried! Over a piece of scum like you. So here’s what you’re going to do. You're going to turn around and walk out that door and forget you even knew Ian.You understand that, Milkovich?”

Mickey took a threatening step forward, his chest almost touching Lip’s and all but snarled his reply.

I’ll leave, fucker. But you better watch your back, cause this,” Mickey said motioning between the two of them, “this isn’t over. I’ll be back tomorrow and I’d like to see you try to stop me.”

Turning, Mickey walked towards the door, shoulder checking Lip in the process. He glared at the two men in blue, before flipping them off and sauntering out the door, Mandy trailing after him like a faithful dog.

Once outside Mickey lit up a cigarette and drew in on it angrily. His hands shaking from the restraint he kept from holding back the punch he wanted to land on that asshole’s mouth.

“Mickey.”

“Not right now, Mandy. I don’t have the strength to put up with your shit right now.”

Mickey’s voice was tired, Mandy glanced over at the older boy and took in his appearance. He looked done in, his shoulders were hunched over like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

“You ok?”

Mickey took a drag off his cigarette before throwing it down and crushing it under his shoe.

“Yeah, Mandy. I’m just peachy. What the fuck, were you in there just now? Man, fuck that prick. In what world is he living in that he thinks he can run his mouth to me like that?”

Mandy was silent for a little while, following behind the angry thug, trying to find the right words to say what she wanted to say.

“Ian..he might not want to...” she trailed off, looking into the distance biting her lip.

“Might not what? Spit it the fuck out!”

“Want to see you.” The sentence was said softly enough that Mickey almost didn’t hear it. He felt the statement to his bones. It cut into him so deeply that his steps faltered for a minute, before he started walking once more, keeping his face turned so Mandy wouldn’t see it. 

“Maybe not, but I’m not going to let that stop me. I have to try, right? Even if he doesn’t want to, I still have to try.”

Mandy looked curiously towards her older brother, not believing what she was hearing. Just yesterday Mickey wanted nothing to do with the redhead, now he can’t seem to stay away.

“What’s going on Mickey? Why are you so insistent on seeing Ian?” The unspoken now was not voiced, but heard anyways.

“I don’t fuckin know alright? I don’t know why I just can’t seem to stay away.”

It was true that Mickey didn’t know why he felt the need to see the younger boy, it was like a black hole had opened in the pit of his stomach whenever Mandy told him about Ian. The urgency to see the younger boy seemed to only get worse the closer they got to the hospital and by the time they arrived he was desperate. Desperate to see Ian and know for himself that he was going to be alright. Nothing else mattered but seeing that freckled face and the way it lit up whenever he happened by.

Except Mickey thought that smile, the half smile that always made his dick stand in attention the minute he saw it, was nowhere around whenever he had bumped into the younger boy earlier in the week. Instead it had been cold, indifferent. Coming to an abrupt stop, causing Mandy to almost crash into him. He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat almost gagging him.

There was no smile and smart ass remark that always made Mickey either want to jump on his dick or knock it off with his fist. Instead there was indifference with an underlining of hurt, so much hurt that it darkened the light that had always shined so brightly in them. He had done that. The realization crashed into Mickey with the strength of a wrecking ball almost bringing him to his knees.

He was responsible for all of it. His vision got blurry and he wiped angrily at his eyes, refusing to believe it was anything but allergies that caused them to fill with tears. Milkoviches don’t cry, and they definitely don’t let their emotions lie bare for the world to see, growing up with Terry, that would get you beat within an inch of your life.

Which was exactly what he had done to Ian whenever he had shown up at the building that day. Something snapped inside of him whenever he saw the tears in Ian’s eyes. He saw red and just let the rage that had been building up inside of him ever since the day Terry walked in and caught them. And he let Gallagher have it, he unloaded all his anger and pain on the younger boy, and didn’t even stick around afterwards to make sure he was alright. He had become the very thing he always swore he never would, he became Terry, the realization cut him to the core, leaving him breathless.

‘MICKEY!”

Mandy’s concerned voice cut through his self pity and he looked over towards her.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? That car almost hit you.”  
Mickey started walking faster almost breaking into a run, he needed to get the fuck away from here. Away from the thoughts that were running through his head repeatedly. But he knew no matter how far he ran, he would never get away from the memory of Ian down on his knees begging him to admit to him that he loved him. It was an image that would haunt him for quite some time to come.

Mickey didn’t stop running until he got to the L, he climbed on and waited impatiently for the fucking thing to move. He needed to be gone from this place, but he wasn’t going back to the house of horrors either. He still wasn’t able to sit on the couch or look at the chair where Ian had been held at gunpoint. The memories were still too vivid. 

Breathing out a sigh of relief whenever the L stopped at his stop, he got off and kept walking, his feet seemingly knowing where they wanted to go and was shocked to see that he ended up in the very same courtyard that he hadn’t been back to since that day. He refused to look in the direction of where he had left Ian lying and headed towards the entrance of the spot.

Climbing the stairs, he entered the barren room and looked around, there was smoke coming from the barrel over in front of the ratty couch he had conned Ian into helping him bring up the stairs. He smiled whenever he remembered the reaction the younger boy had whenever he spotted it.

**********************************************************************************************

“What the fuck, Mick. Where did you find this at? Did you take some drunk’s bed?”

“Very Funny, firecrotch. Now grab the other end, I can’t get this bitch up the steps myself.”

Ian looked at the dirty couch and back at the older boy, his face screwed up in disgust.

“I’m scared to touch it. Seriously, Mick this thing looks like something is living in it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Quit your bitching and grab an end, will ya? I got plans tonight and you’re holding them up.”

The smirk Ian sent him went straight to Mickey’s dick, instant hard on.

“What are we waiting for then? Grab an end.”  
***********************************************************************************************

Walking over to it, he sat down and grabbed a beer from the six pack on the ground wondering if this was where Ian was before he got jumped. Knowing deep in his heart it probably was. This is where they both went to whenever they needed to get away. He lost track of how many times he had found Ian sitting in this very spot whenever he had said something especially hurtful to the younger boy. He had always seemed so happy to see Mickey, even then. It wasn’t something Mickey ever questioned before. Why had Gallagher always forgiven him so quickly? He never apologized, it wasn't something a Milkovich did, and the younger boy never expected one either. Somehow that made everything so much worse. Ian always gave, gave away his smiles and his laughter. Gave his body too, like he thought that was all he was good for.

And Mickey just confirmed it every time he was alone with him. 

****************************************************************************

“What? Do you think we’re boyfriend and girlfriend here? You’re nothing but a warm mouth.”

****************************************************************************

Yeah, he made it all too clear, swallowing down the bile that gathered in the back of his mouth, Mickey wiped angrily at the tear that ran down his cheek. Downing the rest of the beer, Mickey chucked the empty bottle into the fire. Standing, he made his way slowly towards the door. He was going to go home and get some sleep. He had somewhere to be tomorrow and no one was going to stand in his way.


	16. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the sound of an annoying beep that woke Ian up, his mouth felt like carpet he was so fucking thirsty, and what was that annoying ass sound? Slowly he cracked one eye open and was shocked whenever the familiarness of his own ceiling wasn’t what he was seeing. Instinctively he went to push himself up, which caused a sharp pain to tear through his side. He let out an involuntary yell of pain, flopping back down he breathed through the worst of it. What the ever loving fuck was going on? And just where in the hell was he?

It was the sound of an annoying beep that woke Ian up, his mouth felt like carpet he was so fucking thirsty, and what was that annoying ass sound? Slowly he cracked one eye open and was shocked whenever the familiarness of his own ceiling wasn’t what he was seeing. Instinctively he went to push himself up, which caused a sharp pain to tear through his side. He let out an involuntary yell of pain, flopping back down he breathed through the worst of it. What the ever loving fuck was going on? And just where in the hell was he?

“Try not to move too much, sweetface. You’ll tear something open.”

The sound of Fiona’s voice was coming from somewhere on his left side, cautiously he turned his head in that direction, not ready to risk feeling that particular pain again. Meeting worried tearfilled brown eyes, Ian smiled weakly.

“Hey, Fi. What happened?” Fiona’s look of surprise was followed quickly by worry.

“You’re in the hospital, Ian. You don’t remember anything that happened last night?”

Ian couldn’t remember, the fuzziness in his head was making it hard to think. Then it clicked, the reason why his head was so fuzzy was due to some seriously heavy drugs. It wasn’t a feeling that Ian enjoyed. It made it hard to think.

“Not really. Head’s all fuzzy,” he admitted. Fiona nodded, her close scrutiny making Ian feel a little nervous. So he looked away, lifting his hand to run through his hair, he froze. There was a cast on his arm, what the fuck? Slowly the events of the night before started to break their way through the fuzziness that was clouding his head.

“Where’s Lip?” Ian asked, sitting up and almost passed out from the pain. He felt the blood drain from his face, leaving him pale and clammy. He fought down the urge to throw up. His head felt like it was going to fly off.

“Happy to see you’re awake, Mr. Gallagher.” the cheerful voice caused both of the siblings to jump, “Let’s just check and see how you’re faring, shall we?”

The nurse came over and started in on all the poking and prodding that Ian remembered from the last time he was here. He didn’t like it then and he for damn sure doesn’t like it now. He stiffened when he felt her pull back the covers. Instinctively he reached out to stop her.

“I have to check your bandages, make sure they don’t need to be changed. Then we’ll see about getting you something for the pain.”

Ian reluctantly let go of the blanket, shivering as the cold air met his bare skin. Looking down he saw that the bandage covered up the better part of his abdomen. He vaguely remembered the feel of the bullet hitting him. Right before everything went black. He remembered he and Lip had decided to cut down the alley to save some time getting home. Then everything after that was one big blur of pain. Looking around the room once more, searching for the familiar form of his brother and failing to see it, he felt a well of panic bubble up inside of him and turned pleading eyes to the hovering form of Fiona. 

“Lip?” He asked once more, his voice filled with fear of the unknown. Fiona smiled in reassurance,

“He’s alright, Ian. He’s at home resting though, he has one hell of a goose egg on his head and had a concussion. He said he would be in later to see you though.

The nurse finished checking Ian’s bandages and moved onto writing down something in a folder. Finished she walked over to the IV machine Ian was hooked up to and inserted a needle into the hose.

“There, all done. You should start feeling some relief soon. I’ll be in a little later to check on you and change those bandages.” Both Gallaghers watched the nurse until she walked out the door, neither one of them wanting to talk in front of her.

Whenever she left Fiona walked over to sit back in the chair beside the bed, her eyes never once leaving Ian’s. Ian was starting to feel uncomfortable once more. Suppressing the need to snap, Ian answered the questions he knew Fiona was dying to ask.

“I didn’t see who did it, Fi. And I feel like shit, but hopefully the happy drugs Nurse Ratchet gave me will kick in and it will be smooth sailing for a little while.”

“Nurse Ratchet, huh?” Fiona quietly laughed at the nickname.

“Well, yeah. Didn’t you see her. She looks like the thing horror movies are made about.”

Fiona laughed and shook her head, Ian must be feeling a little better if he was cracking jokes.

“Stop it. She was nice.”

“That’s what they all say. Then they are finding bodies buried in the cellar.”

Fiona was full on laughing now, but soon the laughter turned into sobs and she was crying in earnest

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, Fi. I’m alright, honest.”

Fiona nodded, wiping at the tears that were running down her face as she smiled half heartedly.

“Twice, Ian. Twice I had to see you lying in a hospital bed. Hurt and not being able to do anything about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, kiddo. Not your fault, any of it. Except for maybe your choice in men.”

Ian’s shocked eyes flew to meet Fiona’s, who was staring at him, not blinking. Seemed like the cat was out of the bag, thank you fucking Lip.

“Really Ian. Mickey Milkovich? What were you thinking?”

“Yeah, I’ve been asking myself that same question.” The softly spoken statement tore at Fiona’s heart.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Ian?”

Ian shrugged, “Wasn’t just my story to tell, Fi.”

“Maybe not. But you know I wouldn’t have said anything.”

“Lip wasn’t supposed to either and you see how that worked out.”

“Don’t get all huffy, Ian. I didn’t give him much of a choice, and for the record - covering for that asshole after what he did? Not cool, Ian.”

Ian felt tears welling up in his eyes once more. Turning his face away so Fiona wouldn’t see them, he swore silently. When would it quit hurting?

“Oh, sweetface,” Fiona said, getting up to sit on the edge of the bed, wanting so badly to wrap her arms around him but not wanting to cause him unnecessary pain. “It will get better, eventually. One day you’ll wake up and it won’t hurt as much. Until finally you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about in the first place.”

Sniffing, Ian wiped at the fresh tears, turning tear filled green eyes towards Fiona he asked.

“Is that how you feel about Jimmy/Steve? Wondering what all the fuss was about?” Ian’s voice cracked at the end.

Smiling sadly, Fiona ran a hand softly through Ian’s hair. 

“Get back to you on that, kiddo. So, want to watch reruns of Rosanne?’ Fiona asked brightly, picking up the remote and turning the volume up enough for them to hear it, she laid down in the space beside Ian and gently wrapped her arm over his chest. It wasn’t long before they both were sleeping.

Lip quietly opened the door and walked silently into the room. Smiling at the sight of Fiona on the bed with Ian and they were both fast asleep. Fiona on her side curled protectively around Ians larger form, it was a familiar sight, Fiona always ended up curled around a sleeping Ian whenever he wasn’t feeling good. It was the only time the redhead let anyone comfort him and Fiona took full advantage of it any chance she could.

Walking silently over to the slumbering pair, he laid a gentle hand on Fiona and shook her. She groaned softly, and Ian moved, his face grimacing in pain. Lip held his breath, letting out a relieved sigh when the younger boy settled back into a restful sleep. Glancing over he met Fiona’s eyes. 

“How’s he doing?” he asked softly.

Carefully moving out of the bed, Fiona stood up and stretched, motioning to the door and miming smoking a cigarette. Lip nodded and followed her out the door, closing it softly behind them.

Once they were out in the hall, Fiona walked briskly over to the elevator and pressed the button impatiently. Lip said nothing, the tenseness of Fiona’s shoulders told a story of their own. He would wait until they were alone before asking what in the hell he missed.

The doors slid open and they walked in, Lip hit the button for the ground floor, and stared at the silent Fiona.

“I hate him,” Fiona said, looking straight ahead, her voice was filled with suppressed anger. Looking over she met Lip’s questioning eyes.

“Mickey fucking Milkovich. The South Side’s dirtiest whiteboy. Responsible for putting Ian through hell. Beating him and leaving him lying there. Oh my God, Lip if you would’ve seen Ian. He broke down in tears in my arms. When was the last time he’s done that, huh?”

Lip watched as Fiona fell apart in front of him, he knew exactly what she was feeling. He suffered through one of Ian’s melt downs himself. 

“I know, Fi. Ian’s tough though, he’ll pull through it and be stronger on the other side.”

“You and I both know it isn’t that easy, Lip. Gallagher luck right?”

Lip nodded, it was a curse they all said at least a million times. 

“So how’s he doing?”

“In a lot of pain. The doctor is supposed to be in a little later so we’ll have to wait and see what he says. I gotta work tonight so I hope he gets here before I have to leave. What about you?”

“Promised Debs I wouldn’t be too long. She’s got homework and I left her with Liam. So hopefully he gets here soon.”

Walking out when the doors slid open, the two siblings headed outside. Each lost in their own thoughts.


	17. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey woke up to a pounding head and cottonmouth. When he got home the night before he drank his weight in liquor hoping to drown out the memories of everything he had done to deserve the hatred Gallagher no doubt felt for him. Too bad for him that it hadn’t worked. Now he was paying for it. Sitting up, he groaned as the room tilted and twirled around him. Swallowing down the bile that gathered at the back of his throat, he stood and headed to the bathroom on unsteady legs.

Mickey woke up to a pounding head and cottonmouth. When he got home the night before he drank his weight in liquor hoping to drown out the memories of everything he had done to deserve the hatred Gallagher no doubt felt for him. Too bad for him that it hadn’t worked. Now he was paying for it. Sitting up, he groaned as the room tilted and twirled around him. Swallowing down the bile that gathered at the back of his throat, he stood and headed to the bathroom on unsteady legs.

He needed to get a shower, brush his teeth and hair, then head out to the hospital. With any luck none of the other Gallagher’s would be there and he could just slip in and see if Ian was willing to talk to him. Mandy’s warning that the other boy may not want to see him was running on repeat in his head. It hadn’t slipped his mind that Ian couldn’t get away from him fast enough the day they ran into one another, so Mandy was more than likely spot on, but he wouldn’t let that stop him.

As he rummaged around on his floor trying to find a shirt that didn’t smell like the inside of a locker room, Mickey figured it was time to bribe Mandy into doing his laundry again. The bitch always wanted some of his best weed, it was why he always put it off for so long. Finding a black t-shirt Mickey sniffed it, and wished he hadn’t. It smelled worse than a locker room. Throwing it down on the floor in disgust, he eyed his dresser trying to remember if there was anything in it.

His eyes zeroed in on a dark blue t-shirt thrown haphazardly over the top of the dresser, he walked over and grabbed it, and held it up in front of him. It was inside out so he had to turn it right side out. The shirt was Gallagher’s, bringing it up to his nose, he inhaled, the smell was heartbreakingly familiar. It was fabric softener and that spicy cologne Ian always wore, but underneath all of it was a smell Mickey had been missing even if he hadn’t known it. Ian always smelled so good, it used to piss him off that he could almost get off just by the younger boy’s smell alone. Without stopping to think about what he was doing, Mickey threw the shirt over his shoulder and headed for the bathroom.

Feeling much better after he had his shower, Mickey walked into the livingroom to find Mandy sitting on the couch watching tv and eating what looked like cereal. Not in the mood to hear anything she had to say, Mickey walked past her and straight into the kitchen hoping there was some coffee made because he was in dire need of a cup or possibly two. Seems like lady luck was shining down on him this morning, there was at least a half a pot. grabbing a cup off the sink, not bothering to even see if it was clean or not Mickey poured himself a cup. 

Mickey spied Mandy’s pack of cigarettes lying on the kitchen table, he took one, the bitch was always smoking his up. Searching his pockets for a lighter he lit it up, then took a sip of coffee. And spit it clear across the floor.

“What the fuck, Mandy! Who taught you how to make coffee?” Glancing down at the cup, he glared at the grounds that were floating in it.

“No one told you to drink it,asshole.” 

“Fuck you. Did you even put a filter in?” Mickey asked, in between rinsing his mouth out with water.

“There weren’t any, quit complaining at least I made some.”

“Then what pray tell did you use?”

“Paper towels.”

“Holy christ, Mandy why didn’t you use the one that was already in there?”

“It was full. Never mind about that, are we still going to see Ian?’

Giving up on getting a decent cup of coffee, Mickey decided he would just have to get one on the way to the L, he glared over at Mandy.

“I am going to see Gallagher, there was no “we” involved. You are going to stay here and do whatever it is you do when you’re not making my life hell.”

“Come on, Mickey. There’s no reason we can’t go together. I was planning on going anyway, so I might as well tag along with you.”

Ignoring the butterflies that were starting to gather in his stomach at the thoughts of seeing the redhead, Mickey glared angrily at the smiling face of his sister.

“I don’t want you to go with me, that’s more than enough reason.”

“If I’m there you stand a better chance at Ian letting you stay. He won’t want to start anything with me there.”

“You being there isn’t happening. Whatever is going to be said is none of your business.”

Mickey knew getting Ian to let him talk was going to be hard enough without Mandy there, let alone with her. And if the asshole was there he’d probably try and stop him from getting in at all.

“Listen, asshole I tried asking nicely. But since you don’t wanna listen to reason let’s just put it this way. We go together, or I just go alone. Either way I’m going so suck it the fuck up and lets go already,” Mandy said.

Cursing the day she was born, Mickey followed a smug Mandy out the door. This was going to be a disaster waiting to happen. Somehow Mickey has got to come up with a way to not screw this up. Knowing his tendency to talk before thinking, he just knew this wouldn’t end well.  
Mickey drew in one last puff of his smoke before throwing it on the ground, he had gone through an entire pack the short walk between the L and the hospital. Ignoring the looks Mandy had been sending him, he tried to brace himself for whatever was going to happen when he walked into Ian’s room. Seeing the hospital looming in front of them, he ran a nervous hand through his hair.

“You want me to go in first? Maybe feel out what kind of mood he’s in?”

The question caught Mickey off guard, glancing over he met Mandy’s eyes. He could see the pity filling them and it made everything so much worse. Looking away, he concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. He felt like a kid again, waiting for Terry to get home after he got detention for fighting.

“What difference is it going to make, Mandy. Either way he isn’t going to be happy to see me.”

“Maybe not. But I still think you should let me. It might be better if he knew you were there.”

“Why? So he can refuse to see me.”

Mandy didn’t answer the question, not knowing what to say. So she just followed Mickey into the hospital and hoped for the best.

Stopping outside the closed door, Mickey hesitated. Gallagher was on the other side of it and he didn’t even have an inkling of what he was going to say. He knew ‘what’ he had to say, but not how to. They redhead always had a talent in pissing him off one minute then in the next breath he wanted nothing more than to jump him and fuck his brains out. He didn’t want to let his temper get the best of him, it wouldn’t accomplish anything besides driving the boy farther away. And he knew fucking was out even if the younger boy was in the shape to do it.

Watching as Mandy opened the door and breezed in like she owned the place, Mickey cursed and walked in slowly behind her. No Gallagher’s in the room except the one he wanted to see had Mickey drawing in a breath in relief. He didn’t dare look towards the bed yet, not ready to see the younger boy lying in a hospital bed with machines no doubt attached to him.

Spying a chair off to the side against the wall, he walked silently over and sat down. He knew the minute Ian saw him, the happy chatter going on between Gallagher and Mandy cut off abruptly.

“Why are you here, Mickey?”

Mickey glanced over at the redhead, the first thing Mickey noticed was how pale he was. Gallagher had always been pale,but he was even more so now.

“Gallagher.” 

One word was all Mickey could force past the lump in his throat. This was pathetic, he was pathetic. Too nervous to even say anything to the younger boy. This was starting out really well.

“Mickey wanted to see how you were doing, Ian,” Mandy said, taking pity on her tongue tide sibling.

“Mickey did, huh? Is that what you wanted, Mickey? To see how I’m doing?” The questions were spit out at a rapid pace. And Mickey decided fuck it, and met the green eyes, and was lost. Lost in the vast green of Ian’s eyes, he always loved them even as he hated them.

“Well, yeah.”

He wanted to punch himself in the face. Come on Milkovich it’s just Gallagher. But that was the problem wasn’t it? It was never just Gallagher, no matter how he tried to convince himself that it was.

“That’s rich. You wanna see how I’m doing, but you can’t even look at me.”

Mickey shrugged, before looking down at his feet. The burning intensity of Ian’s eyes seem to burn a hole through him. 

“Tell me the real reason you're here, Mickey. It’s not because you care about my state of being. You never have before, you proved that to me over and over again.”

The pleading in Ian’s voice caused Mickey to look up, the redhead was staring at him, his eyes were green pools of hurt and anger. So much hurt. It made Mickey’s insides twist painfully.

“I wanted to tell you-” Mickey coughed to clear his throat and started over. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

Ian’s silence stretched on until even Mandy started to look uncomfortable. Not able to handle the silence anymore Mickey looked at the younger boy and was horrified to discover that there were tears rolling down his face. Memories of the last time that the younger boy dared to cry in front of him caused Mickey to look away, guilt flooding through him once again. Seemed like all he ever did was cause the younger boy pain.

Not wanting to prolong the agony Mickey stood and headed towards the door.

“Running away again, Mick? It’s what you're good at.”

The tear filled question stopped the older boy in his tracks, he stiffened, refusing to speak knowing that if he did his response would only hurt the redhead more. It was instinctive, the need to lash out, but Ian was the last one who deserved his harsh tongue.

Mandy’s gaze switched back and forth between that of her best friend and her older brother. The feeling fueled tension in the room so thick you could cut it with a knife. Deciding that maybe it would be best to leave them alone, she stood and kissed Ian on the cheek, walked towards the door, and let herself out, shutting the door softly behind her. Hoping for the best but fearing the worst, Mandy searched out the cafeteria.

“I thought maybe that’s what you wanted.”

“Since when have you ever cared what I wanted, Mick? When have you ever taken into consideration what I want?”

“I didn’t kill Frank when you asked me not to.” Mickey shut his eyes, knowing it was the wrong thing to say even as he was saying it. Why didn’t he learn to think before he spoke?

“You didn’t kill Frank!?” The comment was filled with disbelief. “That’s what you come up with? How was that doing what I wanted? Not only did you inform me that I was only good for my oral skills. You went out and got yourself arrested. Don’t kid yourself, Mickey the only reason that you didn’t kill Frank was because you were too scared to so you did the next best thing and got yourself sent to juvie. It had nothing to do with me, it was all about saving your own ass.”

“My dad would have killed me, Ian!”

“And I told you Frank wouldn’t have said anything. He would’ve forgotten it as soon as he walked out the door! He has zero interest in anything that involves any of his kids, especially me! The only interest he’s ever showed in any of our lives was when it was something that benefited him”

“What do you want from me, Gallagher? I apologized, apparently that isn’t what you wanted.”

“Nothing.”

The one word response had Mickey turning to look at the younger boy. A sinking feeling started to well up inside of him. Searching the redhead’s eyes trying to figure out what he was feeling and the eyes looking back at him gave nothing away. The confusion must have shown, causing the younger boy to clarify what he was saying.

“I want nothing from you, Mick. Not anymore. I learned the hard way not to, it took me a long time, my feelings for you wouldn’t let me give up. Even when I knew I should’ve. So if you feel guilty or whatever, I accept your apology and we can forget about it.”

“No! That’s not what I want, Gallagher,” Mickey said, knowing that if he let the younger boy finish what he was saying, he would lose any chance in ever winning the younger boy back. He didn’t know what it was he felt for the redhead, he just knew he couldn’t walk away from him.

“What about what I want, huh? It’s always been what you wanted. This whole thing between us was all about you. You controlled where we hooked up, you controlled when we talked or hung out. When is it ever going to be about me?”

“I asked you what you wanted! I stood right here and I asked you, so tell me what you want?” Mickey asked.

The desperation in Mickey’s voice was apparent, he knew that if he walked out that door, Ian would never talk to him again. He would never get the chance to figure out what he felt for the younger boy.

“I don’t know!” The shouted statement shocked Mickey into silence. “I don’t know anything! I used to, but not anymore. At one time I would’ve given anything for just a shred of feelings from you. I had fallen so hard so fast that it made my head spin. Now I don’t know what I feel.”

After the passionate confession Ian seemed to sag, Mickey looked closely at the younger boy and noticed that he looked paler than he had when he had gotten there. His face had a pinched look about it and he had a hand over his stomach. He realized that maybe now wasn’t the best time for them to hash everything out, but he couldn’t go until the younger boy agreed to see him again.

“I’m going to go and let you get some rest. But before I do, can I ask you something?”

Ian nodded, too tired and in too much pain to talk, he was in dire need of some pain meds but he didn’t want to call the nurse in, not with Mickey still there. He found himself not wanting to let Mickey see him vulnerable, the last time hadn’t worked out so well for him.

“Would you give some thought to what we were talking about? Let me come back so we can talk about it?”

“Sure, Mick.” Ian agreed, not letting himself believe for even a second that the older boy would be back, but if it got him to leave he would agree to just about anything.

“Good. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow then,” Mickey said, drinking in one last look of the redhead lying there. Even hurt and in pain he was beautiful, the thought came as a shock to the thug. How could he have never noticed just how beautiful Gallagher was? It was something to think about when he was getting drunk later, it beat what normally plagued his thoughts, hands down.

Backing up towards the door, Mickey waited until the last possible minute to turn and walk out. Today hadn’t been easy, but at least he got to see the redhead. Closing the door softly behind him, he walked out into a brewing confrontation between Mandy and the oldest Gallaghers. Resigning himself to once again try not to knock Lip Gallagher out and get himself barred from seeing Ian. Mickey walked over to meet the confrontation head on.

“I don’t give two shits what Mickey wants, that asshole isn’t getting a chance to sink his claws into Ian again.” 

“Hey, asshole you wanna get outta her face?” Mickey asked, drawing the attention of the Gallaghers to him, he sighed. Throwing Mandy a look of thanks for stalling them.

“I told you last night that you weren’t welcome here, Milkovich.” 

“And I told you there was no way you can stop me. So why don’t you do us both a favor and back the fuck off. Before I”m forced to make you.”

“Do you believe this guy?’ Lip asked a fuming Fiona.

“You need to leave Ian alone. I don’t know what you're trying to pull, but Ian isn’t getting mixed up with you again.”

Meeting Fiona’s eyes Mickey refused to back down. He wasn’t leaving Gallagher alone unless he asked him to. Until then no one was gonna keep him away. Nodding to Mandy he motioned towards the elevator, he was done here. Nothing they could say was going to keep him away, not now, not ever.


	18. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian sagged back into the bed as soon as the door closed behind Mickey, it had taken everything in him not to give into the older boy. To not allow himself to get sucked into whatever being with Mickey would entail. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it a million times in the past, but he just couldn’t do it. He hadn’t lied when he told Mickey he didn’t know what he wanted, but he for damn sure knew what he didn’t want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really nervous about this chapter.

Ian sagged back into the bed as soon as the door closed behind Mickey, it had taken everything in him not to give into the older boy. To not allow himself to get sucked into whatever being with Mickey would entail. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it a million times in the past, but he just couldn’t do it. He hadn’t lied when he told Mickey he didn’t know what he wanted, but he for damn sure knew what he didn’t want.

He didn’t want to be used for what his body could do for Mickey, he was more than a warm mouth. His worth wasn’t measured by the size of his dick, he had to believe that. He knew that he had used his body before, Ian had let himself be used before, not that he had realized it at the time, but when Lip had brought up Kash and what he thought was a mutual give and take, he realized that it wasn’t. He needed Kash for a variety of things. None of them were healthy. He had been starved for the attention that the older man had showered onto him, and the food he had let him take without paying for had kept them all from going hungry more times than he could count. What had the older man gotten out of it though?

While Ian had to grow up fast living the way that they did, at the end of the day he was still some teenaged kid that hadn’t even finished puberty yet.Thinking about one of his younger siblings being in a situation like that made Ian feel postal.

Everything changed whenever Mickey burst into his life, the thug had been everything Ian always wanted, but didn’t think he could have. Even knowing the older boy would never feel the same way he did, Ian just couldn’t stop himself from falling. The day he had gone to Mickey’s to get Kash’s gun back, he had been terrified. He remembers clutching onto that tire iron so hard that the sweat from his hands made it almost too slippery to hold onto.

He remembers sneaking past the sleeping Terry hoping that the old man would stay asleep, the creak from opening Mickey’s bedroom door had been so loud, but not as loud as the sound of his heart which had been beating so fast it felt like it would burst right out of him.

The fight that followed when he had nudged Mickey awake would be forever engraved in his memory. When Mickey had taken over control of the tire iron, Ian thought for sure he was dead, but Mickey’s hard on soon had Ian thinking other, much more pleasurable things.

**************************************************************************************************

Ian closed his eyes, not wanting to see the tire iron that was about to smash in his head, a few seconds later he cautiously opened his eyes and stared in disbelief at the boner that was right in front of him, and his dick hardened in response. Looking up he met the furious blue eyes that were glaring down at him, Ian reacted before he could think better of it.

Jerking a hand out of the loosened grip, Ian reached up and gently caressed Mickey’s dick through his sweatpants, the thug drew in a ragged breath, his hips moving into the caress with a groan. The older boy quickly jumped off Ian and pulled his shirt up over his head, and Ian rushed to follow suit, his own shirt landing in a heap on the messy floor. Not a sound passed either of their lips, both of them highly aware of who was on the other side of the door, they soon stripped down until they were both standing naked in front of one another.

Wasting no time, the older boy turned and rested his elbows on the bed, the action had his ass sticking straight out in a way that had Ian holding the base of his dick, he was that close to cumming. When the urge passed, he walked over to the older boy and grabbed both ass cheeks and squeezed, then he spread them open and looked at the hole he wanted to bury himself in.

Dropping to his knees, Ian leaned in and licked up the crack of Mickey’s ass paying close attention to the rosy opening. Licking it with the flat of his tongue, before he nudged the tip of it inside. The older boy let out a low moan, before pushing his ass back farther onto Ian’s tongue. 

Spreading his cheeks wider, Ian pushed in just the tip of his finger. Then he slowly pushed it in to the knuckle before withdrawing and pushing it back in, this time he managed to get his whole finger in while his tongue mimicked the same movements.

“That’s enough, get on me, firecrotch,” Mickey ordered.

“You're not ready yet,” Ian protested.

“Just fuckin get on me before I kick your ass.”

Ian straightened up and spit in his hand, it wasn’t lube but it would have to do. He loosely wrapped his hand around his dick, pushed inside, the head breaking through causing them both to groan. Impatiently Mickey thrust back and before Ian knew it he was balls deep in the tightest ass he ever had the pleasure of fucking.

Grabbing onto Mickey’s hips, he started thrusting, almost violently, the older boy meeting each thrust with a backward plunge. It wasn’t long before Ian felt the pressure building up, he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. Reaching around, he grasped Mickey’s dick and pumped in in time with his thrusts. They both exploded and Ian knew no more.

********************************************************************************************

The sound of the door opening had Ian shaking off the memory. Seeing the look on his siblings’ faces, Ian knew they had run into Mickey in the hall. He was proven right whenever they both started talking at once.

“What the fuck did Mickey want, Ian?”

“Are you ok, sweetface?”

“Actually, I was just getting ready to call for some meds,” Ian told Fiona, ignoring Lip’s question all together, the older boy scoffed and sat down in the chair at the end of Ian’s bed.

Ian knew Lip’s heart was in a good place, he just wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. The pain that had started when Mickey was there was really starting to make itself known, he reached over and hit the call button for the nurse and hoped he wouldn’t be in for a long wait.

“Good afternoon, Ian how are we feeling today?” The cheery voice of the nurse filled the room whenever she walked in. It took everything in Ian not to snap back that he didn’t know how she was feeling but he felt like shit. It wasn’t the nurses fault that Mickey had shown up and sent his whole world spinning.

“My side is really starting to ache,” Ian told her, wincing as he tried to sit up a little farther in the bed.

“Does it now? Why don’t we just take a looksy and then we’ll see what we can do about getting us some pain meds.”

Ian met Lip’s expression of what the fuck with his own I know right? The nurse was nice and all but her way of pluralizing everything really grated. He winced as the tape pulled off taking hair Ian didn’t even know existed off, the coolness of the air hitting his inflamed skin was a relief. 

Looking down he saw where they had to operate, the incision was long enough to need a good bit of stitches by the looks of it. No wonder the damn thing was so sore. The nurse felt around it, and Ian winced at the tenderness.

“I’m not going to bother rewrapping just yet, the doctor is in the room next door and will be in shortly.” She then busied herself with checking the minor wound on his upper arm. Satisfied with the way it looked, she walked around the bed and gently lifted Ian’s arm off the pillow he had it lying on.

The slice going down his forearm was a result of him putting his arm up to defend himself. Or so they had told him, he had no memory of it though. Just like he didn’t remember what happened that had resulted in his other arm being broken. It bothered him that he didn’t remember anything that had occurred that night past cutting through the alley with Lip. Maybe he never would. 

He felt the all too familiar feeling of floating over take him and knew the nurse had given him the pain meds she had promised. He welcomed the feeling though, it beat sitting here and thinking about how fucked up his life had become. Letting the drowsiness take over, Ian would soon find out just how fucked up it really was.

The doctor’s arrival startled Fiona out of the daze she had fallen into, neither she nor Lip had been talking, not wanting to disturb the uneasy sleep Ian had fallen into. The doctor was an older man, his blonde hair streaked with a little bit of gray. Any other time Fiona would’ve been wondering whether or not the good doctor was single, not today though. She needed to know what exactly was going on with Ian.

The doctor came to a halt at the foot of Ian’s bed, reading the notes the nurse had written, finished he looked up and smiled at the two Gallaghers that were waiting.

“I see my patient is sleeping. So before I wake him to do my examination I will give you a brief rundown on what to expect in the coming months.The incision from the surgery should heal up nicely baring no infection of course, the same goes for the one on his forearm.” He paused for just a moment to write something in the file he was holding. 

“His right arm, however, is going to need some therapy. The knife sliced into the tendons and muscle, and as a result, using that arm without therapy will be near impossible. There may even be some resulting tremors of the hand, there will be no way to tell until those stitches come out.”

Fiona looked over at Lip in horror, what did that mean for Ian’s dream of joining the army? It would shatter him.

“Ian has plans on joining the Army, how is this going to affect it?” Glancing over at Ian, Lip saw that Ian was awake and listening to what the doctor was saying, his eyes focused intently on the doctor as he waited for him to answer LIp’s question.

The doctor, seeing that Ian was awake, started his examination. 

“Hard to say really. It depends on how well the therapy works. Have you tried moving your hand at all, Mr. Gallagher?”

Ian shook his head, then slowly tried to clench his hand into a fist, pain shot up and down his arm at the movement.

“Shit,” Ian cursed softly. Determined now, he tried once more with the same results. 

“It’s no doubt too soon to be trying for a fist. Start out with something simple, bend your fingers.”

Holding his hand up slightly, Ian saw the slight tremor, slowly he tried to bend his fingers one at a time. The burning pain that resulted with the movement however caused him to wince and stop.

“Therapy should help, I’m not going to lie to you, as you can see it will be a long, painful process. Don’t get discouraged though. Give therapy a chance to do its job.”

Motioning to the nurse that he was done, she came over and started to rewrap everything.

“Well, we’ll see how everything goes tonight, and maybe tomorrow we can talk about letting you go home.”

The doctor turned to leave, closing the door behind him, but no one said anything as they waited for the nurse to finish, each of them lost in their own thoughts. After she left, Fiona got up and sat on the side of Ian’s bed.

“Everythings going to work out, kiddo. You will get out of here and breeze through therapy, and before you know it you’ll be on that bus heading for boot camp.”

“Yeah, Ian you never let a little hard work stand in your way, you’re too stubborn.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? It’s all you talk about,” Lip asked him.

“It doesn’t matter, Lip! I’m failing too many classes. The only thing I ever had going for me was my ranking in ROTC. I’m fucked though, because there’s no way I can go for training like this.”

“So then you join up after you graduate. Work your way up the latter,” Lip argued.

“No, Lip! It’s over, so would you just fucking drop it already?! Weren’t you here when the doctor said about the tremors, cause I sure in the fuck was. I can’t join the Army if I won’t be able to hold the gun steady enough to shoot.”

“Then you’ll find something else. The Ian I know doesn’t back down from a challenge.”

“LIP!” Fiona hollered.

“No, Fi. I’m not going to stand here and watch Ian ruin his life! He’s going to get out of this fucking hell hole and make something of himself.”

“HELLO! I’m in the room! How about you just let me worry about my life, huh? Why don’t you concentrate on not becoming another Frank!”

“FUCK YOU! Ruin your life then see if I give a SHIT. I’m out of here!” Lip stood up and walked out the door, curses could be heard as he walked down the hall.

“Ian, you know Lip loves you and wants what’s best for you, we all do,” Fiona chastened softly.

“Maybe so. He just presses my buttons,”

“He does that to everyone, kiddo. He wouldn’t be the Lip we all know and love if he didn’t. How about we watch some tv. See how the other half lives, huh?”

Nodding, Ian settled in to watch reruns of Facts of Life and vowed not to let anything else matter, at least not until after he drowns his sorrows in girly reruns.


	19. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hearing the door close softly, Ian slowly opened his eyes. Breathing out a sigh of relief, he instantly felt bad about faking being asleep. He knew though that as long as he was awake Fiona would never have left. Ian needed some time alone to process everything that had happened that day.

Hearing the door close softly, Ian slowly opened his eyes. Breathing out a sigh of relief, he instantly felt bad about faking being asleep. He knew though that as long as he was awake Fiona would never have left. Ian needed some time alone to process everything that had happened that day.

Between Mickey’s unexpected visit and the news the doctor had sprung on him, Ian's head was spinning in ninety different directions and none of them were good. He felt like he was in an out of control car, rolling down a hill with no brakes,heading for a cliff with the imminent knowledge that he was going to crash and burn.

The thought that all of his plans for his future were gone in the blink of an eye had him terrified. He had shaped his whole life around his dream of being an officer in the Army. He had worked so hard, forced himself harder than maybe he should’ve but he knew it would be worth it in the end. All that was over now though, thanks to some asshole with a knife in a dark alley (wasn’t he shot too? Or am I mixing fics?).

Then there were the Milkoviches and their unexpected visit. He had been so happy to see Mandy walk in, he had really needed someone to talk to, and who was better to do that with than his best friend? When he saw Mickey follow her in he felt betrayed.

Mandy knows what happened between him and Mickey. Knew that he refused to even talk about the older boy with her, and for Mandy to bring him there, when Ian was at his most vulnerable. It stank of betrayal of the worst kind.

Ian knew Mickey was her brother, but she was his best friend and she shouldn't have forced Ian into something he was in no way ready for. He didn’t know if he could forgive Mandy and her betrayal. Seemed like the Milkoviches were all cut from the same mold. He would never have done something like that to Mandy.

To add insult to injury she had left them alone in the room, something that Ian avoided these days. The last time he had been alone with the older boy he had ended up in the hospital. Not that he was scared of Mickey, far from it. He knew in top form he could give the older boy a run for his money, but Ian was as far away from being in top form as someone can get. So he could be forgiven for feeling a little leery of Mickey’s presence.

The apology had been unexpected though. It wasn’t something that Mickey had ever said in all the times he had hurt Ian. For him to do so now was mind blowing. What did the thug really want though? What was the purpose of him showing up and saying he was sorry? And the whole asking Ian what he wanted was new too.

Ian hadn’t lied to Mickey whenever he told him he didn’t know what he wanted. He knew what he didn’t want though. He didn’t want to be sucked back into whatever it was they had going on before, he wouldn’t survive it.

There was no way the older boy would ever come out, and Ian wouldn’t let himself be kept a dirty little secret. Not anymore, the days of him being used for his body were over. So unless Mickey was prepared to do something drastic to prove to Ian that it would be different this time, Ian was done. He wasn't going to make it easy either, Ian didn’t trust Mickey - at all. His trust is lying in the courtyard of an abandoned building, broken and bleeding.

Closing his eyes, Ian cleared his mind as best he could and tried to get some sleep. Knowing it wouldn’t be long before morning came.

Fiona was exhausted, she had been running on fumes for the last few weeks, and it didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. She breathed out a sigh of relief whenever the Gallagher home came into view, only to curse loudly whenever she heard the sounds of screaming coming from inside, breaking into a run she rushed up onto the porch and into the house.

And entered into sheer chaos, Lip was hollering at Frank, who by the looks of it was stoned off his ass, and standing in between them was none other than Monica. Her reappearance into their lives never brings anything good. 

“I don’t give a fuck, Frank. You had no right in bringing her here, she is the last thing Ian needs right now!”

“Nonsense, what boy doesn’t need his mother when he is injured?”

Running an agitated hand through her hair, Fiona resigned herself to her fate. Sleep was a long way off.

“What in the hell are you doing here, Monica?”

Monica smiled and ran over to Fiona intent on giving her a hug, Fiona in no mood to humor her took a step back, successfully evading her embrace. Stepping around her, Fiona walked further into the room, ready to do her part in backing up Lip.

“Fiona, finally someone who can see reason. Tell Lip that Ian needs his mother right now.”

“I will most definitely not. Monica is the last thing Ian needs right now. He’s got enough on his plate.”

“Exactly why the boy needs her. A mother’s caring hand.”

“Bullshit! You used Ian’s being in the hospital as an excuse to get her back. You never once cared about the welfare of your kids,Frank. Ian being in the hospital just plays into your need to have Monica around.”

“Lip, I wanna see Ian, I can take care of him.”

“For how long, Monica? Huh? Until the need to run comes around? You can’t stay in one place long enough to help anyone.” 

“No, Fiona I can, I want to. My baby needs me.”

“Where were you whenever he broke his collarbone? He needed you then, but you were too busy gallivanting around with Frank, searching for your next high!”

“That’s not fair, Fiona!”

“You're right, it’s not fair! It’s not fair that you pop in and out of our lives just expecting us to welcome you back. It doesn’t work that way, Monica!”

“You watch what you're saying to her. She can’t help that she is a free spirit!” Frank defended, wrapping his arm around a crying Monica.

“No, she is an unmedicated bipolar and she needs her meds.” Turning towards her sobbing mother, Fiona asked. “Are you willing to get back on your meds?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need to take anything.” 

Frank nodded in agreement.

“There’s nothing wrong with your mother. You kids are just trying to support this country's need to control us.”

“Save it, Frank. No one is in the mood for one of your speeches, so why don’t you leave and take Monica with you? Climb into whatever hole she climbed out of and leave us be. Ian doesn’t need her or her brand of help. He has us.”

“Ungrateful, that’s what you all are, kicking you’re parents out of their own house. Do you see the disrespect I get, Monny?

“Come on, Frankie let’s just go. We can see Ian tomorrow, let’s find something to do tonight.”

Fiona watched as the couple made their way out the door, knowing that nothing good would come out of Monica showing up it never did. 

“That was fun,” Lip said walking into the kitchen to grab two beers out of the fridge. Handing one to Fiona, he dropped into a chair.

“Loades.” Fiona sighed, this was just the thing they needed right now on top of everything else.

“You know she’s going to try and see Ian tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“And you also know how well that’s going to go down? Ian always took Monica’s jumping in and out of our lives the worst.”

“I know, Lip. We are just going to have to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“How, Fiona? No one has ever been able to control Monica. She does what she wants, and what she wants right now is to mess with Ian’s head.”

“I don’t know, Lip!” Fiona was beat, she was tired before, but Monica showing up made her that much more so. “Well, we aren't going to be able to figure out anything tonight. Let’s get some sleep and hopefully tomorrow this will all be a bad dream.”

Setting her empty bottle down on the table, Fiona headed upstairs to get some much needed shut eye. Leaving Lip downstairs to stew.


	20. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey awoke to find Mandy leaning over him, sitting up he groaned, digging the palms of his hands in his eyes in frustration.
> 
> “What the fuck, Mandy?”
> 
> “I need to talk to you.”

Mickey awoke to find Mandy leaning over him, sitting up he groaned, digging the palms of his hands in his eyes in frustration.

“What the fuck, Mandy?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“And what couldn't wait until later? I was trying to fucking sleep.”

Mandy flopped down on the older boy’s bed, ignoring Mickey’s cursing at the abruptness of it. Scooting back until her back hit the wall she looked pensive.

“Well spit it the fuck out already. What was so important that you had to come in here and wake me up?”

“Fuck you, Mickey it’s three in the damn afternoon.”

“Yeah, and your point? Look either spill or get the fuck out. I need to take a piss and I don’t have on any clothes under here. So unless you want to see me fuckin naked, say what you gotta say. Then get the fuck out,”

“EWE! Gross. What the fuck, I didn’t need to know that. Please tell me you didn’t beat off where I’m sitting.”

“Ok, I won’t tell you. Now what the fuck is it?”

Mady flipped him off then settled in, once again looking nervous.

“I think I screwed up.”

“Huh? Can you start making sense please?”

“I screwed up, Mickey!”

“Ok, did you kill someone? Need help hiding the body?”

“What? No! I didn’t kill anyone, but I did hurt someone I care about.”

Mickey stared at the younger girl wondering what he ever did to deserve Mandy thinking she could just come to him with every little thing that goes wrong in her life.

“And I should give a fuck, why?”

“Jesus, Mickey it was Ian!”  
Mickey froze, what exactly could she have done to hurt Gallagher? He was still stuck in the hospital, wasn’t he?

“What did you do?” 

“If you would shut up for a minute I’d tell you!” Mandy said. “I went to the hospital this morning to see Ian. I wanted to get there and see him before anybody else had the chance, I didn’t get to spend much time with him yesterday.”

She swallowed, glancing over at Mickey.

“Yeah, then what?”

“I’m getting there. He barely spoke to me.”

“OK, that doesn’t mean anything, maybe he was just tired or something.”

“NO, Mickey. He wouldn’t look at me either. When I asked him what was going on he just sort of shrugged, then he asked me where you were.”

Mickey felt his heart start to race, Gallagher asked about him. That was a good thing, right?

“I said that you were at home, he got really quiet and then he asked me why I brought you with me yesterday.”

“I’m still not seeing how you hurt him, Mandy.”

“Because I brought you there, Mick. I knew how he felt about not wanting to see you, yet I still snuck you in. He thinks I betrayed him. And he’s right.”

Mickey was quiet for a little while, absorbing everything Mandy had said. He knew that Ian wouldn’t want to see him, but he couldn’t stay away. If he had waited he would have never gotten Gallagher to sit still long enough to hear him out. Was what he did selfish? Possibly. Unfair? Definitely, but Milkovich’s don’t play fair, it wasn’t in their DNA.

“I was going anyway, you know that.”

“I know and he probably does too. It’s the fact that I showed up with you that has him feeling betrayed. He will probably never trust me again.”

“Bullshit, Mands, he loves you. You two are joined at the hip, no way would he hold this against you.”

Mandy looked unsure, sure she and Ian have argued, but this was different. Ian never shut her out before. They always made things right before they parted ways. But when she left things were still tense and awkward between them.

“I really hope you’re right, Mickey. I don’t wanna lose him. He’s the best friend I ever had.”

“Alright that’s enough girly talk, I got to take a piss. I got places to be today and you’re holding me up.”

Mandy got up and walked towards the door, pausing with her hand on the knob she looked back at the older boy.

“Hey, Mickey, if you go see Ian today, go easy on him alright? He didn’t say but I know there’s something bothering him.”

“Yes, Mandy. Would you fucking go already. I’m about to piss myself here.”

Mandy nodded, knowing that was the best she was going to get out of the older boy. She opened the door and walked out, closing it softly behind her.

Mickey slammed the door behind him and headed towards the underpass where Mandy said they had found Ian. He was very familiar with the area and for the life of him he didn’t know why Ian had taken that route home. He knew the riff raff that hung out there as well as Mickey did. Mickey had warned the younger boy not to pass through there for just that reason. Especially after dark.

The Milkoviches were well known in the area, they made some of their best deals selling drugs there. So Mickey had no doubt that someone had been around that night, had probably cheered it on even. So that was where he would find his answers. He would find out who was responsible for Ian being in the hospital. Then he would take care of it himself. They will be finding pieces of the asshole responsible.

“Hey, Ronny just the man I wanted to see.” 

Ronny was a bum, so strung out on drugs that he would sell his mother for a bit of meth. And the asshole owed him $600 bucks, which worked out well, he would get the information he needed, plus some cash to line his pockets with. Seeing that the greasy haired asshole was going to try and do a runner, Mickey sped up and kicked the back of his legs, sending the older man down to the ground.

“Now, Ronny, you wouldn’t be trying to run away from me, would you? Cause that would make me think you were trying to get outta paying me. You wouldn’t want me to think that would you, Ronny?” Mickey asked, twisting the taller man’s arm up behind his back.

“No, Mickey, it’s not like that I swear!” Ronny said in a shaky voice. “I didn’t know it was you.”

“You really don’t expect me to believe that, do you, asshole? You were looking right at me.”

“I swear I didn’t know it was you. I got a hold of some bad e and-”

“So now you’re telling me you’re using my money to buy drugs elsewhere?”  
Mickey asked, twisting Ronny’s arm harder causing the older man to scream out in pain.

“Jesus fuck, Mickey you’re going to break my fucking arm.”

Mickey laughed sarcastically. “No. I’m going to break your fucking face, but maybe we can make a deal.”

Ronny nodded his head frantically. “Anything you want, Mickey just please let my arm go.”

Mickey gave his arm one more twist before letting him go, standing up he waited for the druggie to get to his feet, ready to grab him if he made a run for it again. Relaxing just a little when he saw that the older man was going nowhere, Mickey lit up a cigarette and motioned for the older guy to start walking.

“Let’s take a walk, Ronny. I don’t want anyone hearing what I have to say.”

Mickey headed towards the run down box that Ronny liked to call home, screwing up his nose in disgust at the smell of piss that hit his nose.

“Jesus, Ronny do you wash your clothes in piss or what?”

It wasn’t a question that Mickey expected an answer to, and Ronny didn’t volunteer the answer either. The older man limped around Mickey and lowered himself gingerly down onto the pallet he had set up for a makeshift bed.

“Here’s the deal, I need some information and I’m banking on you knowing the answer. You tell me what I wanna hear and you get to have $300 off what you owe me. However if I find out that you lied about it, I’ll come back and take the $300 out of your hide. So do we have a deal?”

“I don’t know what information I can possibly help you with, but I’ll try.”

“Good boy,” Mickey said. “A few nights back a redhead got jumped right over there.” Mickey pointed towards the area that was in perfect view from where they were. “This redhead just so happens to be very important to me.”

“I had nothing to do with that, Mickey I promise.” 

“I fucking know that! If I thought you did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Did you see what happened?”

The bum paled and sweat started to roll down his face.

“Mickey, I can get you your money, I promise.”

“No, fuck that! You know something and you’re going to tell what exactly it is you know.”

“Please, Mickey. I don’t want to get involved “

Mickey kicked the bum in the gut, his patience gone. This little asshole knew something and he was going to talk. Either on his own or Mickey would beat the information out of him.

“You better start talking, asshole or a sore gut is going to be the least of your problems.”

Seeing the younger boy’s foot drawing back for yet another kick, Ronny talked fast.

“Alright, alright! I’ll tell you. The redhead, he wasn’t alone he was with another guy.”

“Yeah, his brother. Are you going somewhere with this or am I just wasting time here.”

“I’m getting to it. I was talking to Joey, minding my own business whenever the redhead and his brother walked by. Joey had made the comment that they were too clean to be here and they were probably going to get offed. The two of them were being tailed though, and the guy that was following them was well known around the streets, ya know?”

“Who the fuck was it, Ronny? Quit beating around the bush and come out and say it.”

“It was Ox, Mickey.”

What the fuck? Was all Mickey could think as the name sent off bells and whistles in his brain. Ox was well known on the streets, he would give anyone a beat down for a price and if the money was good enough, well - you’d never see the person again. Who the fuck would put a hit out on Ian? The answer came to Mickey and he swallowed the bile that came to his throat.

Terry was the one who had ordered the hit, he was the only one who would have. The son of a bitch. He should’ve known something was up, the old man had let him in on a deal, something he hadn’t done since he had caught him with Ian. He had done it on purpose, even though the asshole knew he wasn’t hanging out with the younger boy, he had to make damn sure of it. So he invited Mickey along. 

Bet the asshole was laughing the whole fucking time too. Knowing that Ian was in danger and that Mickey could do nothing about it. How did the asshole pay for it though?There’s no way he could afford someone like Ox. 

“Did he know Ian was alive when he left.”

“No. This chick showed up screaming and Ox took off. I don’t know anything else I swear, when the cops came I made a speedy exit.”

“FUCK!” Mickey screamed, turning he started to walk away.

“We're good now, Mickey?”

“What? Oh yeah. You still owe me $300 bucks though. I’ll be around tomorrow to collect. Don’t make me hunt you down.”

Mickey’s mind was going a hundred miles an hour with the information he had learned. Terry had put a hit out on Ian and if Fiona hadn’t shown up when she did, Gallagher would be dead right now. So would that asshole Lip, one thing Ox was was thorough. He got the job done and left no witnesses to tell the tale. The question now is, would Ox still be after Ian? Was the younger boy still in danger?

The thought of Ian still being in danger sent Mickey postal. Where the fuck did Terry get the fucking money to pay the asshole? And what exactly could Mickey do about it? Ox wasn’t no ordinary Joe Schmoe. Ronny had been right to be afraid, no one messed with Ox and lived. And Mickey was no good to Ian dead. So the million dollar question was how was he going to keep the ginger safe? And would Ian let him?

Needing to see the ginger and prove to himself that he was still alive, Mickey headed for the L. He was going to wait and see Gallagher later, not wanting to run the risk of seeing Lip and put up with his shit. Mickey couldn’t wait any longer.

When Mickey arrived at Ian’s room, he listened at the door to see if the redhead was alone. Not hearing anything but the muted volume of a tv, Mickey pushed the door open. Breathing out a sigh of relief when he saw Ian was alone, he walked into the room, drawing the other boys attention to him.

Ian looked surprised to see him, which made no fucking sense at all since he had told the younger boy he would be back. Apparently he hadn’t believed him.

‘“Hey, man, how are you feeling?”

“Good.” 

The one word response told Mickey this wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. Ian wasn’t gonna give him anything. Walking over, he sat in the chair that was sitting beside the bed. He wasn’t going to let Ian’s attitude run him off. There was too much at stake here. It wasn’t just about them anymore, it was about keeping Ian safe.

“You wanna add a little more to that?” Mickey asked, smiling slightly at the glare he received.

“I hurt all over. Good enough for you, asshole?”

Grinning, Mickey responded. 

“If it’s the fucking truth, then yeah.”

“What do you want, Mick?”

Mickey sighed. ‘Mick’, he didn’t think he’d ever hear that name again. Ian was the only one he let get away with shortening his name. It felt good to hear it again.

“I think you know that already.”

Ian looked away, biting his lip he shrugged.

“You were being serious with that shit?”

The disbelief in the younger boy’s voice hurt Mickey in ways he couldn’t explain. Ian had never been this guarded with him before. He had always been open, ready for Mickey to come back around again.That he managed to hurt the younger boy so much so that he didn’t want to believe Mickey cared about him, even with the older boy telling him it was so.

“As a heart attack.”

Ian glanced over at Mickey before quickly looking away again. He knew that if he was looking at the older boy he would never be able to say what he intended to say,

“I can’t go back to the way things were before, Mick.”

Mickey watched as the younger boy struggled to say what he wanted to say. Knowing that it was because of him that he was having so much trouble.

“Meaning?”

“Me waiting around for you to decide you want to see me. You only coming around whenever you want my dick. You treating me like shit. Take your pick. I can’t do it again. I won’t. I deserve better than that.”

“Ian, you know my Dad will kill us.”

“Not this again! I’m not saying you have to shout it from the rooftop, Mickey! I’m saying you need to treat me right. You and your constant denial of being gay and making me feel like shit for showing any kind of emotion is what I’m talking about. Jesus.You can still keep it on the down low. I know how much of a homophoc prick your Dad is. But when we’re alone, just you and me, that's what I’m talking about. I need to know I’m more than just a warm mouth.”

Mickey winced at the raw emotion in the younger boy’s voice, but he couldn’t help but hope that Ian was working up to saying he was going to give him another chance.

“You’re so much more than a warm mouth, Gallagher.”

Stunned, Ian met the older boy’s eyes. Not daring to believe what he heard.

“Yeah, you heard me right. You’re a lot of things, Gallagher. But a warm mouth isn’t one of them. I should never have said that. I was fucking terrified and I took that shit out on you. I guess I’m always doing that though. Points for being consistent?”

Seeing that humor wasn’t the best way to win points, Mickey was quick to apologize.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Mickey?” Ian asked.

“I’m trying here, Gallagher. Trying to give you what you always said you wanted.”

Ian looked down at his hand, nibbling on his bottom lip, making Mickey harden in response. Cursing under his breath he willed his erection down. Now was not the time for Ian to see him popping a boner. He was trying to prove to the younger boy that he wanted him for more than sex.

“If we try this again, Mick, it’s not going to be like before. For one thing, I don't trust you not to pull the proverbial rug out from under me. And no sex, at least not until I feel like we are ready. We already know how good we fuck. Let’s see how well we can get along without the fucking.”

“Sure, man anything you say.”

Ian met his eyes, he seemed to be looking for something, whatever it was he must have found. His shoulders loosened and he seemed to sag back into the bed. Mickey didn’t realize how tense the younger boy had been until then. Knowing they were far from finished in talking shit out, there was still the problem of Ox to deal with. But for now he suggested watching a little tv.

In total agreement the two boys settled in to watch some reruns..


	21. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian didn’t know how he felt about what had occurred with Mickey last night. He didn’t know if he could trust that he intended to do what he said he would. Ian is so scared that he is just setting him up for getting his heart broken again. He meant what he said though, he was not going to put himself out there and not get anything in return, not again.

Ian didn’t know how he felt about what had occurred with Mickey last night. He didn’t know if he could trust that he intended to do what he said he would. Ian is so scared that he is just setting him up for getting his heart broken again. He meant what he said though, he was not going to put himself out there and not get anything in return, not again.

It damn near killed him the last time, he wouldn’t live through it again. Thinking about the stipulations he had put on them drew a half grin out of him. No fucking. That was going to be a tough one for even him to abide by. He can’t even be in the same room with Mickey and not get a chub. He foresees lots of blue balls in the coming weeks because he has no intention of going back on this. He needs to know that Mickey wants him for more than his dick.

The sound of the door opening followed by the sound of soft soled shoes walking across the floor caught Ian’s attention, turning, he sighed softly in annoyance. He watched as the nurse came in and started her morning routine of taking his vitals before moving onto changing his bandages. He had gotten so used to being poked and prodded he almost forgot what it feels like to be able to sleep without being jarred awake by a nurse.

“How are we feeling today, Ian? Are you in any pain right now?”

“Side aches a little.” Ian had long since given up on trying to figure out why the nurse seemed to always talk like she was sharing the pain of his injuries with him. It wasn’t worth the energy it took to try and figure it out.

While the nurse was busy with rewrapping Ian’s arm, the door swung open to admit Mandy, Ian stiffened and refused to look behind her to see if Mickey was trailing after her again. While they may have agreed to trying to work things out between them, he just wasn’t ready to see the older boy yet. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw Mandy was alone.

The dark haired girl walked over and kissed Ian lightly on the cheek, the redhead tried his hardest not to flinch at the touch, but judging by her reaction, Mandy felt it. He didn’t want to make his best friend feel bad but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that she betrayed him by bringing Mickey there. Granted the older boy would’ve probably shown up anyway, it was the principle of the matter. Mandy was supposed to be his best friend, she shouldn’t have gone against his wishes the way she did.

“Hey, Ian. How’re you feeling today?”

“Good.” 

“We didn’t get a chance to talk much the other day, so I thought I’d get here early and have you all to myself.”

Ian nodded, not trusting himself not to snap in response to her statement. The dark haired girl shifted in her seat, looking as uncomfortable as Ian felt. It was a new development, the tension between them. It had never been there before at least not since Mandy tried to make out with him when they first meant.

“Are we ok, Ian?” Mandy asked softly.

“Why wouldn’t we be ok?”

“I don’t know, I mean, are you mad at me?”

“Why did you bring Mickey here, Mandy?”

Ian decided that if Mandy didn’t know what she did, then he would give her a little hint.

“Oh.”

Ian waited as Mandy seemed to take in what he had said, wanting her to know that what she did wasn’t ok with him. He loved Mandy. She was his best friend, but sometimes she was lost in her own little world, never realizing that sometimes her actions hurt other people.

“He was coming, so I just decided to tag along.”

Ian knew when Mandy was stretching the truth, she had a tell. Her right eye twitched. And that was exactly what was happening right then. He believed that Mickey was no doubt coming, what he didn’t buy was Mandy deciding to tag along. He was willing to bet that Mandy convinced the older boy to let her come. It made Ian wonder why Mandy wanted to be present for something that was going to be as awkward as Mickey visiting Ian. What was her angle?

“I thought you would be more comfortable if I was here too,” Mandy said, after seeing the look of disbelief on Ian’s face.

Ian opened his mouth to respond, but never got the chance to. The door swung open to admit the last person Ian never in his wildest dreams thought would show up, Standing just inside the doorway with tears running down her face, was Monica. 

“Oh, baby. Look at you. You’re so hurt, but don’t you worry I’m going to take such good care of you.”

Monica rushed over to Ian, who was too stunned to evade her overzealous hugs and kisses. He winced as she applied pressure on the still tender incision on his stomach.

“What are you doing here, Monica?” Ian asked, pulling out of her embrace, while trying to avoid her smothering kisses.

“When Frank told me you were in the hospital I rushed here just as quickly as I could.”

Fucking Frank, why didn’t it surprise him, he looked for any excuse to get Monica back on the South Side. Ian didn’t know why he bothered, she never stayed. She only stuck around long enough to fuck up their lives before riding off to wherever happened to take her fancy at the time.

“Well, he shouldn’t have bothered. I don’t need you here.”

“Ian, baby.”

“No, Monica! I don’t need you here acting like you give a shit when we both know that just isn’t true.”

Mandy stood up to make her way towards the door, not wanting to get caught up in the middle of what was looking to be an all out Monica temper tantrum. Waving at a distracted Ian who barely noticed she was leaving. She walked out and shut the door softly behind her.

“Who was that, baby? Was she your girlfriend?”

“I’m gay, Monica. Remember? You took me to Boystown last summer.”

“That’s right. I remember. You were all upset over your boyfriend being in juvie right?”

“He wasn’t my boyfriend, Monica.”

“Maybe not, but you wanted him to be.”

Monica didn’t know just how painful that statement was. He had always wanted Mickey to be his boyfriend. But it had never happened. He didn’t know that it never would either, despite what Mickey promised. The older boy was too afraid of Terry to let himself be.

“Look, Monica, you showed up and pretended like you really give a shit, how about now you just go. Disappear like you usually do. “

“That’s not fair, Ian. I’m here now.”

“For how long though? Until you manage to get Debs and Carl’s hopes up like you always do. Then you leave and break their hearts all over again. And Fiona has to pick up the pieces, as usual. If you care about me, even just a little, then leave. Go back to wherever it is you came from and leave us alone.”

“I’m here to stay this time, you’ll see. I’m going to take care of you.”

“Monica.I thought I told you last night to leave Ian alone.”

When he heard Fiona’s angry voice, Ian sagged back into the bed. Relieved that he no longer had to deal with Monica on his own. Seeing her always messed with him. Although he liked to convince himself otherwise. He knew that everytime Monica showed up there was a piece of him that always wished she would stay. Get the help she needed and put them first for a change. It never happened though, it was something that he forced himself to accept long ago.

“I just want to help, Fiona.”

Her plea fell on deaf ears though, the older girl had given up on Monica long before the rest of them had.

“Take your help elsewhere. We don’t want or need it. Besides, Frank has been looking for you all morning. You better go see what he wants.”

The older woman left, promising that she would return later that evening to visit.

“Thanks, Fi,” Ian said, tiredly.

“No, problem, kiddo. Getting rid of Monica has always been a pleasure of mine. So has the doctor been in yet?”

“No. I hope he says I can go home. I’m sick of this place.”

“Tired of all the pretty nurses fawning all over you.” Fiona’s joke fell flat though.

“Passed tired, maybe if the pretty nurses were pretty men it would be different.”

Fiona laughed and ruffled Ian’s hair, causing the younger boy to smile in return.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I continue or not?
> 
> ***Secrets will be finished hit a roadblock, but I am going to finish


End file.
